I can't imagine

I can't imagine how a "Mother" walks away from her baby when he is 6 months old for some guy she's dating....after losing her firstborn son less than a year before.
I can't imagine how a "Mother" breezes in and out of that child's life for years afterward.
I can't imagine how a "Mother" forgets to pick her child up from day care for a scheduled visitation. Or just has better things to do.
I can't imagine how a "Mother" finally somewhat gets her life together and has her son move in with her, only to emotionally abuse him and then throw it all away.
I can't imagine how this "Mother" lets him go back to his father again without blinking an eye.
I can't imagine how this "Mother" goes months without seeing her son and only calling once or twice.
So, I don't know why it even surprises me, when this same "Mother" lets her son's 10th birthday pass by without so much as a phone call.
There must be something very flawed within a person that allows them to turn away from their own child.
Did she forget that it was her son's birthday? Or did she just not bother? Either way, it's unfathomable to me. Especially after losing one child....how in the world do you turn your back on another?
I can't imagine.

Whoever said life would be easy....

....lied. Don't believe that for a moment.

It IS what you make it. It IS good. But easy? It's not.

Especially when you are nine years old and have more on your plate than most adults can handle.

My stepson, Andrew, has ADHD (phsycian-diagnosed). He also has anxiety (me-diagnosed). He also has many yet-undiagnosed issues.

He also has a "mother" who has serious mental issues, and has deserted him completely at this point. He has only seen her once since October, and that was for 10 minutes. On the rare occasions that she calls, he refuses to talk to her. He's terrified of the thought of seeing her. The one brief time of his life that he lived with her full-time was horrible. He tells us things about that period that fill us with a combination of rage and utter sadness. He told us that her name is the worst curse word in the world. This is totally unprompted by us, we don't even bring her up. But occasionally he remembers something that he feels the need to tell us about. The most recent was a story about her making Andrew walk their husky. He was a very large and strong-willed dog, and he got away from Andrew. His punishment? "C" took one of Andrew's favorite possessions, a Build-a-Bear that he'd made with us, and ripped it to shreds.

If you wonder how I know that Andrew has anxiety....the two biggest clues are his non-existant fingernails which he has chewed away, and the bald spot on his head from where he was literally pulling his hair out. He's also terrified of being away from his family, except for at school. Twice he's been invited to join friends in very fun activites. Twice they've left, only to have to turn around and bring him home, because he was close to having a panic attack.

He has told us that he never wants to see his "Mother" again (he refers to her by her first name, "C"). He wants to go back in time and change biology and for me to have given birth to him. His feelings towards her caused my friend, a nurse with extensive psych knowledge, to say "What in the HELL did she do to him??"

He needs counseling, and we're working on that. My insurance company failed to add him to my policy as I requested, so now we're jumping through hoops while paying out of pocket for the very expensive medications he requires. We're doing our best; we have a lot on our plates. But it doesn't compare to the burden that this small child is carrying.

His issues are not easy for us to deal with either. Even though we know it's not his fault, and know what he's been through, we are only human and it's hard not to get frustrated at times. He also needs discipline, in fact he craves discipline; the normal, healthy kind.

My Mother-in-law recently called Andrew's "mother" about some paperwork that we need. "C" casually said to my MIL, "Well, I guess I'll never see Andrew again." MIL explained to her that Andrew is doing well, that he is healing from all of the things that SHE put him through, and the best thing she can do is let him continue to heal. But by this time, "C" was on to a different topic already.

So, I received the Mother's Day presents. When my in-laws took him shopping, he shopped for me. When he made cards and crafts at school, they were for me. He very proudly presented them to ME.

And when "C" took time out of her busy life to call on Mother's Day, which was also her birthday...he refused to talk to her.

You reap what you sow.

His life will never be easy. We worry about his future. But at least he has us to help him along the way.

Weekend Wrap Up - 3.02.09

Friday: I did the second and final Book Sale to raise money for the March for Babies. I worked a 12 hour shift overnight Thursday, and then stayed an extra 6 hours for the book sale, so I was at work for a little over 18 hours. J got off at noon and helped me with the last of the sale & helped me pack up. We did well and I enjoyed the sales, but I am glad they're over! It was exhausting.
Friday night, we went to a Gator baseball game with my parents, and had a blast! J didn't think he'd like attending a baseball game, but he really enjoyed it and we plan to go back & take the kids.


Saturday: I slept in until I had to get up to get ready for the funeral. It was touching and beautiful, and very, very sad. I will never again hear the song "No Place That Far" by Sara Evans, without crying. That was his Mom's song for him. For those of you who don't know it, it starts out "I can't imagine any greater fear, than waking up without you here, and though the sun would still shine on, my whole world would all be gone......." It's a beautiful song. His sister's song for him was "Angels on the Moon" by Thriving Ivory, which was also incredibly poignant and emotional.
After the funeral, J and I ran errands and then snuggled on the couch, watching movies, until time for me to go to work. I don't usually work on the weekends, but I picked up an overtime shift.


Sunday: J and I had breakfast together, then I went home to crash. That afternoon, we picked up Spiderman from his Nana and then ran a few more errands. I did a lot of thrifting this weekend and found some great deals! The girls got dropped off at 8pm and the Princess was sick with a tummy virus. She took a long hot bath and then went to bed. Sunday night, Spiderman coughed all night, so needless to say both of the little kids stayed home from school today. J took off of work as well. We took Spiderman to the doctor because his cough was nasty and kept him up half the night. The Princess felt much better today though.


Now I'm back to work and the kids will be back at school tomorrow, and the whole routine starts all over again.

One more thing: go visit this blogger today, a wonderful person who I totally admire, and leave LOTS of comments for Tuesday!

I hope you all had a great weekend!

Pockets Full of Love

One day last week, J had taken the day off so that we could both take Spiderman to a doctor's appointment. We picked up the kids from school later in the afternoon, and we were all chatting while driving down the road.

At one point Spiderman said, "I wonder who the richest person in the world is right now."

And without hesitation, I replied, "Me."

He laughed like I was silly, and I said...

"Did you know that you can be rich in other ways besides having lots of money?

I have things that are so much more important than money. I have you kids, your daddy, and we have a nice home. We have all of the things we need. And most of all, we have lots and lots of love. We are very rich!

There are people out there who have lots of money, but they may not have a family and they may not have love. And money can't buy them those things. And they may not be happy.

But we are happy, because we are rich in the things that matter the most."

I asked Spiderman, "What do you have that makes you feel rich?" and he said "my family....and my friends....and you know what? I don't really like money that much anyway."

I hope you're having a Wonderful Weekend!

Darkness

That's where I've been today.
I have dark times. Fortunately, not often. But today, everything collided. Things conspired together to push me down into that dark place.
This weekend I will go to the funeral of a child for the first time in my life. Sure, he was 18 years old, but still...he was a child.
I had one of the worst dreams of my life today. So bad, I am not ready to talk about it, not with anyone. I couldn't even tell J about it. I tear up just thinking about it. It was long, incredibly realistic, and horribly sad.
I got upset about something relatively stupid. Annoying, but I made a mountain of a molehill.
I took a long, hot bath.
Then I locked myself in my room and cried.
And tonight....J called me to tell me about Spiderman getting his heart broken.
His "mother" finally took time out of her busy schedule to call and check on how he's doing. I was at work when she called. She's only seen him once, for about 10 minutes, since he moved back with us on November 1st. She hasn't called, visited, nothing. Spiderman has told us in no uncertain terms that he does not want to see her nor talk to her.
He has taken it upon himself to start referring to her by her first name, "C", never "Mommy". Nothing we say will stop him from doing this. He has begged me to change biology or go back in time and be his "actual" Mom. He finally decided that he has a "feeling" that, although nobody knows it, I really gave birth to him.
So when she called tonight and begged to talk to him, J finally said he'd ask Spiderman if he wanted to talk to her. And what he said was, "Spiderman...do you want to talk to your Mommy?" And he immediately said "Yes!" Then he took the phone, said "Hello?"...and burst into tears. And said to J..."You told me it was my Mommy but it's not, it's C!!!" And proceeded to sob hysterically.
Grief, sympathy, terrible dreams, a black mood, more sympathy....brings about darkness.
And now I have to try to find my way back into the light.

Weekend Wrap-up - 01.26.09

~The slumber party went very well. The girls had a blast, were well behaved, and got picked up on time. Can't beat that!

~ The Princess LOVES her kitten. She said he is the best gift EVER! She named him Charley. He is so cute and very vocal and LOUD. Our other cat, Lilly, is so disgusted with him and won't even look at any of us. She's in quite a snit!

~ We spent Sunday working on the house & yard. A little child labor never hurt anyone! I cleared out my little get-away spot and put some new stepping stones & stuff out there. I've got to get a picture of it.........when I get a working camera. GRR! Anyway, I spent time out there this morning and it was heavenly; birds flying all around, so peaceful. The weather is FINALLY getting better here in "sunny" Florida!

~ Spiderman learned to ride a bike without training wheels yesterday! He's been scared to try but I gave him a pep-talk yesterday and he suddenly became determined to master it....and he did! Look out world, Spiderman's on wheels!

Hope y'all had a great weekend!

I am unique. Just like everybody else.

OK, I know I'm not the only one who is very busy at this time of year. But I still feel like I have to let y'all know that I love you dearly, and it's not that I don't want to visit your blogs. I truly do. But there is just.no.time. And, I don't see it getting better very soon. So, I at least wanted to explain myself! It's not you, it's me, and all that stuff.

Oh, and I'll throw out some randomness while I'm at it.

* We are almost done with Christmas shopping. I just have to pick up a couple of things for my niece. We were able to get everything my kids wanted and more, thanks to my husband. His hard work paid off in the form of several bonuses. Which really helped out since their father is over a month behind on child support.

I am so grateful that this man I married doesn't hesitate to use all of his Christmas bonuses on "my" kids (when I told him that, he said honey, they're all our kids).
We are blessed.

* We also got gifts for the child we chose from the Salvation Army tree. It's important to us to share our blessings, and it's an important lesson to teach our kids.

* The kids will be with their Dad until Christmas afternoon, so right now it's just me and the hubby. We're going to throw tradition out the window and have seafood for Christmas dinner. We got these amazing, enormous shrimp at the Farmer's Market, and we're going to have fish and as yet undetermined side dishes. And I think this is going to be the beginning of a new tradition!

* Spiderman has gained seven pounds since moving back with us. Seven pounds. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. Happy that he's putting on weight, sad that he was obviously underweight to begin with. He has a huge appetite for such a little guy!

* I went to the little kids' school on Friday and did Gingerbread & Cocoa with both the Princess and Spiderman. They both loved it, and one of the kids told Spiderman that he looks just like ME. Which is funny considering that (a) I'm his stepmother and (b) it's actually kind of true.

See?

There's definitely a resemblance, and why the hell are my eyes so huge?
Anyway.

* J's aunt took this picture and I just love it, so I wanted to share it with you.

That's the Princess, Spiderman, and a dog that J's aunt was dogsitting, on a tree at the park.

* Time for a little brag. Those of you who have been reading for a while, know of my weight loss journey I've been on for nearly a year now. And you know that I have lost over 110 lbs. So, I'm entitled to a small brag, right? Good.
My mom got me a new scrub outfit for Christmas. My current scrub size?
Extra small petite. If you know how far I've come, you'll allow this little brag! I think I've earned it. I'm still amazed by the changes.

* That's all the randomness my brain will produce at this moment. I know there's more stuff in there, but it will have to wait for another day. I hope you all are having a wonderful holiday season, and I can't wait to catch up with everyone....probably next year!

Wordless Wednesday 12.3.08

I can haz make-ur-own pizza night?

I don't know why the Princess looks so shocked. But Spiderman sure was concentrating on getting his sauce just right.

Silly little goofballs!

IYGAKAC & Stuff

IYGAKAC:
Today's the day for IYGAKAC! But guess what...I didn't have time for it, and I'm guessing not many of you did either.
I'm going to do IYGAKAC less frequently. If your kid takes pics and you post them, let me know, and then we'll do a big post. Weekly is just too often!
But if you participated, please sign Mr Linky and leave me a comment.
So far, I know that BoufMom from Who Says 8 is Enough? played this week.



Stuff:

I have a few things that I've been tagged for, so I'm going to take care of them now!

Irregular Tammie tagged me for this Weird Things Meme.

Rules:

1. link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
2. share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.
3. tag 7 people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
4. let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.


Random/Weird Things:

1. (weird) One of my little OCD things is symmetry and order. I recently got a cute little glittery mini Christmas tree decoration and then a glittery "Hope" decoration to go with it. But when I arranged them, I realized I needed another mini tree to go on the other side of the "Hope" deco. I couldn't stand it until I went and bought another tree!
2. (weird) I love almost all types of music from country to hard rock. I don't like jazz, but I listen to it every morning because my favorite radio show, Bob & Sheri, is only broadcast locally on a jazz station.
3. (random) I have lost 110 pounds in exactly 9 months. If you haven't already heard my story, read here.
4. (random) I have the best husband in the world. He had the day off today, and he let me sleep all day, then made me 'lunch' when I woke up, and stopped at Walgreens for my Cinnamon Bun crack coffee while taking me to work. Love him!
5. (random) My favorite aunt & her husband aren't coming to visit for Thanksgiving because he is very sick with the flu. I am so bummed! It won't be the same without them.
6. (weird and random) One of my dogs killed a squirrel the other day! She always chases them but somehow she actually managed to catch one this time. Then she got mad at all of the other dogs because they wanted to play with her 'prize'. J had to throw it over the fence. Ew!
7. (random) Yesterday, Spiderman, the Princess and I were at the grocery store. Out of the blue, Spiderman very seriously informed me that if anyone at school wants to mess with the Princess, they'll have to get through him first, because he's not going to let anyone hurt his sister! (all together now.....awwww!)

I tag...yikes, seven people? OK, I'll do it. But, only participate if you want, don't feel obligated!
Aubrey, John Deere Mom, Hot Tub Lizzy, Meaghan, Jojo, Becky, and Jennifer.

Aaaand last but not least:
This is the Favorite Things with a Twist Meme. You have to list 10 of your Favorite Things. The twist is that they all have to start with a letter, which is assigned to you. Aubrey gave me the letter "N". N?? Seriously? Yikes! Here I go.
1. Nice people.
2. Nachos.
3. Nudity. ha!! Just had to throw that one in.
4. Naps!!!
5. Nestle Chocolate
6. Necklaces
7. Nonconformists
8. Nuts (get your mind out of the gutter)
9. New England Clam Chowder
10. Nature.

If you want to play, let me know, and I'll hook you up with a letter.

Happy Tuesday!

Wordless Wednesday ~ It Should Be Illegal...

...for these eyelashes...

...to belong to a BOY.

Weekend Ramblings

We dressed up our two wirehaired dachshunds for Halloween. Tater was a devil, and Sasha was an angel. This is a role reversal for them, because Tater is actually the sweetie pie and Sasha is rotten! She weighs maybe 12 lbs, but barks at the HUGE dogs next door like she's just going to tear them apart! But we didn't think Tate would appreciate being dressed up like a chick, so he had to be the devil.
We walked them down Main Street in our little town and everyone just loved them.

The camera brought out the devil in Tate's eyes.



See, I told you Sasha had the devil in her!



Let's go, Dad! I don't know where we're going, but LET'S GO!!!





They had a great time, and the kids had a great time at their dad's house, too.

*************************************************************************

Spiderman is officially home where he belongs, and will start his new school on Monday. Things were unravelling badly with his Mom, but it didn't effect him because he's been with his grandparents for the past 3 weeks, and hasn't even seen his mother. :sigh:

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I got an update on Kathleen from sogratefultobemormon. Prayers are still needed, maybe more than ever. (my edits are in red, for clarity)


I just called Kathleen's and she (Kathleen's daughter) said they found her truck. She (Kathleen) had been pulled over earlier Monday morning by a state trooper because she hit a guard rail but she explained she was sleepy and he let her go. Her truck was found by the water up somewhere I can't remember but somewhere she wouldn't normally go alone. Her stuff was in the car, phone too, but she and the keys were gone. The other side of her truck was pretty banged up and the mirror missing but nowhere around. They have no idea if she hit something or if someone hit her or if it was just vandalized. They did a search and rescue and didn't come up with anything. The police said it would take a few months for her remains to show up if she went into the inlet and there could still be foul play involved. They don't know anything for sure though and of course she could still be okay. They impounded the truck to look for more clues. She (Kathleen's dd) said they are running a story on it tonight on ABC in Alaska channel 13 if you want to look for it- I haven't looked yet. I pray she is safe and they can find her. I know the family is not doing well at all and could still use our continued prayers.

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Anybody know WTH is wrong with my blog? All of my sidebar stuff is down at the bottom, and the layout is just all jacked up. I thought it was just IE being weird, but I'm on Firefox now and it's still jacked up. Um...help?!
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I hope everyone had a great Halloween & has a great weekend!

GO GATORS!

Spiderman Returns

Dunh dunh dunh! Sounds like a cool movie. But nope, it's all about my stepson.

I'll give you just a little background. Spiderman is 9 years old. When he was 6 months old, his mom, C, took off and left him with his daddy, my husband. For years after that, C was in and out of Spiderman's life at her whim. Then when he was four, his daddy met me. C and I have had a bumpy road, but we now get along pretty well. But when I first came into the picture, she was a little jealous of my role in Spiderman's life, and started trying to be more of a mom figure. Eventually, she met a guy who seemed like a really good influence on her. She settled down, got married, and approached J about having Spiderman come to live with her. After many talks, J agreed to give it a try.

Long story short, that was two years ago, so she was definitely given a fair chance. It started out well, but she had another baby and things seem to have went downhill from there. She has a diagnosed, relatively serious mental illness, and she tries to overcome it but it's a struggle, and I do sympathize with that. Then, her husband lost his job of many years, and started drinking heavily. She tried to work, but ended up losing her job too. Her husband has had a few more jobs, but lost them as well. He's drinking up their savings, and she's not handling everything well at all. Right now, it looks like she may be taking off, leaving the baby with his (drunken, unemployed) father. When J approached her about Spiderman coming back to live with us, she had no objections. In fact, she said she really didn't have time to take care of him right now, anyway.

But thankfully, Spiderman has a stable, loving home with us waiting for him. He will be back with us, and this time permanently because we don't believe in playing ping-pong with kids. Spiderman has some special needs as well, and he needs stability even more than most kids.

While he lived with us before, he was doing so well, and progressing wonderfully. I know that now that he's coming home, we can help him continue to thrive.

We're all so excited to have him back. I know he'll be going through a lot, and I hope & pray his mom doesn't totally disappear. It may be a bumpy start because of what he's going through right now, but I know it's best for him and I'm happy to have him back in our loving, dysFUNctional home.

Drum Roll Please!

As of today, I have officially lost............

100 pounds!

::::happy dance::::

And I have to share with you what my stepson said to me this weekend. He hadn't seen me in a while and the last time he saw me, the weight loss wasn't as dramatic as it was this time. So after a while he looked at me and said, "You look shorter." And I said, "Shorter? Really?" And he said "Well......what do you call it when you do like this?"

And he spread his arms waaaaaay out as far as they would go, and then pulled them in about a foot apart!!

Hilarious! Best weight loss compliment ever.

Advice from the DysFUNctional Family

When you plan a party at a park, and the plan is to grill hot dogs on the park grills.........
take a little drive by the park before the Party Day, and make sure they haven't removed the @#$% *&$#@ grills!!!!
It's all good, though. We ate dessert first, had our party, and had fun! Then we ate our hot dogs at home. A good time was had by all.

Our sweet pirate a.k.a. Spiderman.

The Princess & the Spiderman.

9 candles on the Pirates of the Caribbean Cupcake Cake.

Silly string fun!