Depression Is Not...

You can find a lot of resources online that will tell you the definition of Depression. I'm sure most of you have at least a basic understanding of what depression is. But there are many misconceptions about depression, people who suffer from depression, and the medication that some people take for their depression.

So I am here to tell you what Depression is NOT.

Depression is not a choice.

Depression is not an excuse.

Depression is not a copout.

Depression is not a bad day (or week).

Depression is not something a good cry will make better.

Depression is not something you can sleep off.

Depression is not something you can shake off.

Depression is not something you can control.

Medications are not a crutch.

Medications do not numb.

Medications do not create a 'high'.

Medications DO provide balance.

They provide emotional stability.

The help you keep your head above water.

They help you get out of bed in the morning.

They save relationships.

And they save lives.

There are exceptions to everything. But don't assume that the person you know who takes medication for depression doesn't really need it. Because she 'acts fine'. Maybe those medications are the ONLY thing that enable her to 'act fine'. Maybe behind closed doors, she does not 'act fine'. Maybe they are the only way she is able to parent her children. Maybe they are keeping her alive.

Depression is serious. It kills people every single day. Please don't make someone feel guilty about needing help for this illness.

(all images from PostSecret)

I'm Pouring My Heart Out today with Shell @ Things I Can't Say.

Visit her blog for more PYHO posts.

Windows Wide Open

I'm going to tell you something about myself. It takes a lot to get me down. It doesn't take much to piss me off, but it takes a lot to really get me down. I can usually laugh things off, or put things in perspective. But sometimes, when life is really smacking me around, I can only keep getting up so many times, before I just lie there and curl up in the fetal position.

And that's pretty much where I was at last Thursday. It had been a rough month, and Thursday was really just the tip of the iceberg. The last straw, if you will.

But...I somehow managed to keep myself focused. To fight off the darkness. And keep myself out of the fetal position. Instead, I focused on the positive things, and the things that I am thankful for.

And I like to think that maybe that's why things have totally, completely turned around since then.

We got some wonderful news on Friday. You see, my husband lost his job in July. But he will be starting a better job, with excellent benefits and potential for advancement, on August 31st. And, his unemployment compensation finally started coming in on Friday. Just in time for back-to-school shopping!

We got some things fixed in our broken house on Friday. And although unfortunately it looks like we got a bad deal on this house, we have the ability to get out of the contract, and some great leads on even better houses.

We had a great weekend. Relaxing, and spending time together. And I even had a rare visit from my very best friend in the whole world, Danielle. She happened to be nearby and came to visit. I was so thrilled to see her!

When these problems initially started, Danielle said to me, "When God closes a door, He opens a window. In the end, you're going to be better off and so glad that all of this happened." And you know what? I'm already seeing how correct she is.

And most importantly of all, my family is healthy, happy, and together. For that, I am most thankful.

Darkness

That's where I've been today.
I have dark times. Fortunately, not often. But today, everything collided. Things conspired together to push me down into that dark place.
This weekend I will go to the funeral of a child for the first time in my life. Sure, he was 18 years old, but still...he was a child.
I had one of the worst dreams of my life today. So bad, I am not ready to talk about it, not with anyone. I couldn't even tell J about it. I tear up just thinking about it. It was long, incredibly realistic, and horribly sad.
I got upset about something relatively stupid. Annoying, but I made a mountain of a molehill.
I took a long, hot bath.
Then I locked myself in my room and cried.
And tonight....J called me to tell me about Spiderman getting his heart broken.
His "mother" finally took time out of her busy schedule to call and check on how he's doing. I was at work when she called. She's only seen him once, for about 10 minutes, since he moved back with us on November 1st. She hasn't called, visited, nothing. Spiderman has told us in no uncertain terms that he does not want to see her nor talk to her.
He has taken it upon himself to start referring to her by her first name, "C", never "Mommy". Nothing we say will stop him from doing this. He has begged me to change biology or go back in time and be his "actual" Mom. He finally decided that he has a "feeling" that, although nobody knows it, I really gave birth to him.
So when she called tonight and begged to talk to him, J finally said he'd ask Spiderman if he wanted to talk to her. And what he said was, "Spiderman...do you want to talk to your Mommy?" And he immediately said "Yes!" Then he took the phone, said "Hello?"...and burst into tears. And said to J..."You told me it was my Mommy but it's not, it's C!!!" And proceeded to sob hysterically.
Grief, sympathy, terrible dreams, a black mood, more sympathy....brings about darkness.
And now I have to try to find my way back into the light.