My Quiet Spot

Today I'm joining in with Mama Kat's Weekly Writing Prompts.  Because you know, it's pretty much world famous.  Like my potato salad.

The prompt I chose is this one:

2.)   Time for a break! Show us where you go for quiet time.

Some people might choose a library or a coffee shop for their quiet time.  

Not this chick.  I head to the lake.  Usually, Lake Alice on the University of Florida campus.

I have a need to connect with nature.  It's a spiritual experience for me, and very relaxing and centering.

Now, I know you're probably thinking, "Are you BATSHIT CRAZY???  You consider it relaxing to hang out with animals that could quickly kill you with a move called a DEATH ROLL?!?!"

click for full "RAWR" effect

To which I reply, "yes.  Yes, I am batshit crazy.  Did you really not know that by now?  Try to keep up.  Sheesh." 

I'm pretty sure he's smiling and posing.
Not threatening to eat me for lunch.

I've lived in this area for my entire life.  I know to give alligators respect and keep my distance.  I'm not up in their face.  We can all hang out together.  It's peaceful.  COEXIST!

he...wants to soak up the sun....

Once the sun starts going down, it's time to walk across the street and watch the bats leave the bat house.  It's an amazing, awe-inspiring mass exodus.

click to read....interesting stuff.

One tip though: that wet stuff that begins to fall out of the sky as the bats fly overhead?

That's not rain.  IN MY EYE.

That was notsomuch relaxing and peaceful.

believe it or not, there are bats in this photo. those suckers move FAST!
and cell phone cameras don't do them justice.

So, there you have it.  This is where I go for quiet time.  I watch the alligators, turtles, bats, and people, who are also fascinating.  Especially when they almost stumble over an alligator.  Heh.
Where do you go?

Visit Mama Kat's Losin It for more Writing Prompt posts!

Not My Mother's Daughter

When I opened up my email and read Mama Kat's Writing Prompts for this week, there was no doubt in my mind that I'd be participating. Prompt Number 2 jumped right out and stuck its tongue out at me. In fact, I think Mama Kat has been wandering around in my brain recently and stumbled upon that prompt, because it's been floating around there for quite some time now. I just haven't been able to make myself sit down and write it. But Mama Kat pulled it out, sat me down, and told me to get crackalacking.

So here I go.

2.) Not your mother's daughter...how do you parent differently than your mother did? Is it a good thing or a bad thing?

I love my parents. My relationship with them is complicated. But I love them, and I know they love me. And as I have become a parent, and grown as a parent, I have experienced many different feelings towards their parenting. For the most part, I have made my peace with it and accepted that everything they did, they did the best way they knew how, and they did it out of love. They truly did want the best for their kids.

But their methods weren't always the best. And the one that I think impacted me the most, the one that I was so determined to do differently with my kids, is about communication.

{I don't mean not yelling. Puh-lease! They only listen when I yell!}
No, it goes a lot deeper than that.

When I was a teenager, I couldn't talk to my parents about anything. I deeply felt the generation gap. They just weren't the type of parents that sat down with me after school and listened to me talk about my day. My mom knew who some of my friends were, but not who was dating who or which friend was mad at the other one. But more than that, I couldn't come to them with the big things. When I was scared, worried, or heartbroken, talking to my parents was the last thing I thought of doing. They expected me to do exactly what they wanted me to do without question, and if I didn't, they flipped out. My teenage years were full of secrets and lies. They were so strict and kept me on such a tight leash, that I sometimes lied about where I was going, because I knew they wouldn't let me otherwise. Not even when it was a reasonable request and of course, all of my other friends' parents let them do it.

This inability to confide in my parents, this lack of communication, did more than strain our relationship, though. It caused me tremendous pain, and nearly cost me my life. There were several times when, as a teenager, I found myself in difficult situations. Nothing that many other teens haven't experienced in the past, and will experience for the rest of time. But I could not talk to my parents about these things. I simply, absolutely, could not. And several times, I felt like my only options were to run away from home, or to kill myself. This was not the dramatic rantings of a hormonal teenager; this was the absolute terror of a teenager who felt like she had no way out of an impossible situation.

In the end, I was able to keep my secrets. There are so many things that happened to me that my parents know nothing about, and probably never will. It was hard to go through, but one thing came out of that experience: I vowed to never let that happen with my own children.

I feel like, if my kids ever feel the way I felt, it would be one of the worst parenting failures for me. I want to be the one they come to. Even though they know there will be consequences. Even though they know I may be upset. But they need to know I am there for them. My love is unconditional. I will support them and accept them. I will stand by them. I hope, and I pray, that they never, ever feel backed into a corner with no way out, they way I did. It's very hard to find a balance; I don't believe in being overly permissive. I want to keep them safe. I don't want to be their friend. It's not about being 'the cool mom'. It goes so much deeper than that.

So far, my kids are very open with me. I know they don't tell me everything, and I don't expect them to. I just want them to know that they CAN come to me, without fear of overreaction or judgement.

Do I always go about this the right way? Probably not. I don't have to tell you that parenting is tough and there is no instruction book. I have made mistakes in the past and I will make plenty more in the future. But I go about it with nothing but pure love for my children, and the deep desire for them to know that they can talk to me, especially about the important things. And the need for them to know that I will always have their back.

And that's a good thing.

~Visit Mama Kat for more Writer's Workshop Posts~

Relief.

re·lief    
[ri-leef]–noun
1. alleviation, ease, or deliverance through the removal of pain, distress, oppression, etc.
2. a means or thing that relieves pain, distress, anxiety, etc.

When Mama Kat posted her writing prompts this week, I really wanted to join in. The one that really called out to me was #3.) A moment you truly felt relieved.
But the relief I was really needing, hadn't come yet.

I posted recently about the situation with Andrew's biological mother. I don't want to say a whole lot about it here. But we have learned that they are not backing down, and she's still telling lies. No surprise there. But originally, John's mom, my MIL, said if we had to get a lawyer, she would pay for it. Then more recently, she said that she wouldn't.

We cannot pay for a lawyer. You know the drill; economy, I'm not working full time & haven't started getting paid for my part time work yet, blah blah blah. You've heard the story a million times; it's the same thing so many people are going through right now.

We finally had to talk to Andrew about the whole situation and his reaction, while expected, was very sad. He still doesn't want to see her, and he didn't take the news well at all.

So I have been stressing myself sick today. Worrying so much about him, worrying that the court would believe Bio-mom's lies. Worrying that, with her having a lawyer and us not having one, she would prevail. Worried that he would be forced to go to her home all by himself, which he is so very afraid of.

And then....relief came. For whatever reason, MIL has changed her mind again. We have an appointment with an attorney next week. Thank GOD. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me.

Not that I won't worry, but I know now that we will have someone fighting for us. Someone who knows what the heck he's doing. Someone who can help us carry this burden.

Sweet, sweet, relief.

Chihuahua bites kind of tickle.

It's the first Friday of the year. That's good in so many ways! That means the weekend is coming. This particular Friday, my husband is off work. AND? It's time for Friday Fragments!

*** Ace is proving to be excellent birth control. Muah ha haha! He barks. A lot. At night.

I really think he'll settle down once he gets used to life here. But right now,this feisty little ankle-biter is keeping Shelbie hopping. (snicker)

*** I got my first paid writing job! It won't pay all the bills, but it may buy some groceries. And it's a regular, paid writing job! ~~~Happy Dance~~~

*** I'm a CSN Preferred Blogger, and I'll be doing another review for them soon. I'm not sure what I'll get this time, but we're in need of some new comforters, spreads, and/or duvets. I'm thinking of one of these modern duvet covers. Although I may use it for an electric blanket; our light bill knocked my socks off this month - and not in a good way! The price to keep a cold-blooded mama warm is quite high.

*** I've been on Twitter a lot more lately. If you aren't already following me, well, why not? I'm @dsfunctionalmom. And if I'm not following you, well why not? Let me know!

*** I had the privilege of watching Tim Tebow:Everything in Between on ESPN last night . Seriously, it was such a great show. He inspires me. He's a rare sports figure who actually deserves to be respected and admired. And he looks darned good doing it. Mmm-hmm. It airs again today at 5:30 pm on ESPNU, in case you're interested.

And I chose "Where I'm From" by Jason Michael Carroll as my song of this week, because Tim Tebow sang it on the show. I love that guy.

Dos & Don'ts When Your Loved One is in an ICU

Today I'm participating in Mama's Kat's Writer's Workshop! I was actually already composing this dos and don'ts list, so I was happy to see prompt #4 for this week: A list of dos and don'ts!




As you may already know, I work in an Intensive Care Unit. I have worked here for over 3 years. Part of my job involves interacting with the patient's families, and over the years I've observed a lot. Of course, I hope you never have a loved one in an ICU. Having a loved one in Intensive Care can be very hard on a family, particularly if it's a long stay. But if it does happen, I have a few suggestions that may make it just a little bit easier.

* Do stay overnight when rules permit. Studies have shown that this is very good for the patient. However...
* Do get your rest. Don't wear yourself out. If you need to go home, or to a hotel, go. You're not doing anyone any favors by being a walking zombie, or by getting sick yourself.
* Do ask the front desk clerk if there are local hotels that offer discounts to patient's family members. We have a very long list of hotels in our area who do that. Also, ask if there is a nearby Ronald McDonald House.
* Do learn the rights of the patient and the family. Pay attention to what the nurses and doctors are saying. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself or your loved one, or to question the nurses or doctors.
* Do respect the rules of the unit.
* Do post pictures/photos/cards on the walls, if allowed. Not only will they cheer the patient up, but they remind staff that this patient is loved and cared for.
* Do decorate the room for the holidays. I just love to see that; it shows that someone truly cares about that patient.
* Do bring Krispy Kreme donuts to the staff. Just kidding! {Sort of.}


* Don't wear yourself out. It bears repeating.
* Don't send flowers. Most ICUs and burn units don't allow them. Send balloons, stuffed animals, etc.
* Don't think the staff is heartless when we laugh & joke. We are very caring individuals. However, this is our job, and if we didn't lighten the mood sometimes, we'd burn out very quickly.
* Don't call and say "I wanna see/speak to my mama." Please say the patient's name. First and last.
* Don't call over and over. This takes away time that the nurse needs to spend caring for your family member. Call once per shift, twice at the most. If there are significant changes, the nurse will call you (or the legal next of kin).
* Don't bring your neighbor's sister's cousin's ex-boyfriend into the ICU to visit. Keep it to close family members. Keep visits of young children short.
* Don't bring in food and eat it in front of a patient who can't eat. That's just rude, people.
* Don't forget the Krispy Kreme donuts. Just kidding! {Sort of.}

Best Punishment Ever

I'm joining Mama Kat today and choosing one of her Writer's Workshop Prompts.
Here's the one I chose:

1.) Describe the best/most creative punishment you have ever given your children or received yourself. (inspired via Twitter by Maya from Musings Of A Marfan Mom)

My best punishment ever popped into my mind as soon as I read this.

When my oldest son, Tim, was about 12 or 13, he was constantly complaining that he got into trouble for things that the little kids, Elayna & Andrew, got away with. The little kids at this time were about 6 and 7 years old, respectively. So, basically, he was right. I expected more of him than I did of six and seven year olds. Shoot me!
I finally got tired of his complaining. An idea struck. I told Tim that if he wanted to be treated exactly the same as the little kids, that was fine. But it had to be in EVERY way, not just getting away with the things they got away with. I told him that for one week, he would be treated exactly the same as the little kids in every.single.way.
In a typically cocky adolescent male fashion, he said "That's FINE!!"
At the time, we lived in a town home, and in the complex there was a pool and a soda machine. He was normally allowed to walk down and get a soda or hang out, ride his skateboard, whatever.
But the first time he tried that, I feigned shock and said "Oh no! We don't let the little kids walk around the complex alone, remember? So there's no way you can do that. Remember? You're a little kid now."
He went to bed at the same time as the little kids, 8:30 pm. He wasn't allowed to use his cell phone - the little kids didn't have cell phones. He couldn't watch certain TV programs that were deemed inappropriate for kids of the age that he wanted to be treated. Literally in every way that I could think of, he was treated exactly like the younger kids.
He.was.hating.life.
Once that week was over, he never, ever complained about the little kids getting away with more again.
And I? Felt pretty brilliant.

Because while I am not a perfect mother- nor do I aspire or pretend to be one- I am a VERY good mother. I have no doubt of that. =)

P.S. Thank you for your comments on yesterday's post. They encourage me more than you know. xoxo

The End!

Mama Kat's Writing Assignment

I was trying to decide what to post on this Thursday. Thankful Thursday? Thursday Thirteen? Something random?
Then I read Mama Kat's post and was so happy! Finally, I get to participate in Mama Kat's writing assignment, because she has the perfect prompt for me.


It was prompt number two, to be exact.


"2.) Are you still friends with your high school friends? Describe them."





I'm actually still friends with several of my high school friends. They're on my myspace and we keep in touch.
But the one I'm talking about today is my bestest friend in the whole world, Danielle.

Danielle and I met when I was 15 and she was about 13. We met in church and hit it off immediately. The next year, she was a freshman at my high school and we got even closer. We have been through everything together. She was the first person to ride in my new car when I was 16, a 1984 Mustang (oh, how I miss that car). She was also the first (and only) person to pee in my car.

(I made her laugh. A lot. Good times!)

I watched her high school boyfriend physically and emotionally abuse her, and told him off and dumped him out of my car. I was very protective over her. I skipped school to take care of her. She didn't really have a mother to speak of. I kind of took over that role.

Later, we both got married and pregnant. Our boys are just over one month apart in age. Then we had our girls....18 days apart (but they were due only ONE day apart! Her baby girl was early). She went through a divorce and a bad relationship. I hung on to my bad marriage, always confiding in her and only her. We were both SAHMs for many years, and we talked on the phone every day. I honestly don't know what I would've done without her in those years.

When I started working in day care, she was going through her second divorce. I got her a job with me. We always tried to take care of each other.
When she married the third (and final!!) time, she had a church wedding, and I was a bridesmaid. Her husband is a great guy, and in 2000, they had a little boy together. For the first time, she was pregnant...and I wasn't! But she took care of that. Within days of giving her giving birth to her youngest son, I found out I was pregnant with my Princess. I swear she jinxed me! But I'm so glad she did. So, our youngest kids are less than a year apart in age. And we're currently arranging their marriage.

All of our kids are still friends, although we live one town apart from each other and they don't see each other often. The girls especially are very close.

When the major event that ended my first marriage occured, we happened to already have a lunch date the next day. We were meeting at a park so the kids could play. She had no idea the condition that I would be in. We sat down at a picnic table and I let it all out. She cried with me. I know that if she could've, she'd have committed a serious felony that day. Again, I don't know what I'd have done without her during that time.
She's always had the knack for calling me at just the right time. The first time I had to drop my kids off for visitation and they were meeting their father's girlfriend (now wife) for the first time, I had just driven down the road when the phone rang.

It was Danielle, of course, asking me, 'Are you okay?'

And the answer, of course, was 'no'. That was so hard to get used to, at first.

She always told me that I would be so much better off in the long run, and she was so right. She loves my hubby, because he is so good to me. She encouraged me to further my relationship with him, even when some people in my life were telling me that I should stay single and just take care of my kids. Danielle told me that for once in my life, it was time to do something for me. I'm so glad I did!

We don't talk or see each other as often as we'd like. We both stay so busy. But we stay in touch, and we're there for the important things. She was at my second wedding, I was at her recent graduation from college. I know I can always come to her when I need her. For twenty years, we have been best friends. What we have is special. There will never be anyone else in my life like Danielle. We are more than friends, more than family. We have a bond like no other.

I love my best friend!

Our girls when they were about three. They're both thirteen this month!


Our boys when they were around 3 or 4. They're both 15 now.

10 Things I Believe In

This is my first time being able to participate in Mama Kat's Writing Assignment. I'm very pleased to be able to do it, finally!
If you have never visited Mama Kat, you are missing out. She is smart, funny, real, beautiful, the whole 9 yards. She has it going on! I love that attention craving poodle.
She's also having a giveaway right now that you should really check out. But if you enter, could you please do it in MY name? I really need a vacuum right now! K thanx bai.
So, for the writing assignment, I chose to list 10 things I believe in. These are scattered and unrelated things, but things that I truly do believe in.

1. Number one has to be Karma. Whatever you choose to call it, I'm a firm believer that what goes around really does come around.
2. Love. I had my doubts at some points in my life, whether or not true love really existed. I have no more doubts. (now I have that Dixie Chicks song in my head. "I believe in love. Love that's real, love that's strong, love that lives, on and on......")
3. Telling your kids NO. Why are some people afraid to set boundaries or say the dreaded "N-O" word to their children? They are doing their children and the world NO favors with this mentality. And it drives.me.crazy.!
4. The Golden Rule. "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." It's the number one thing I try to teach my children. I'm not saying I always follow it! But I think it's the ultimate rule to live by.
5. Helping out your fellow man, and those who can't help themselves. Be that children, animals, the elderly, adults who have fallen on hard times....etc.
6. Spaying & neutering, and being a responsible pet owner. This means taking care of your pet in all ways. This does not mean expecting your pet to act & reason like a human. It is OUR job as pet owners to protect them. We take on that responsibility when we take that animal into our home. Please, take it seriously.
7. Fun. Laughter. Enjoying the company of your family & friends. Living life to the fullest, not sitting idly back and watching it pass me by!
8. "You teach people how to treat you." -Dr Phil Whether you like him, love him, or hate him, this quote, in my opinion, is right on. You have to set boundaries with people in your life. Even if it means losing them, that's better than allowing yourself to be treated terribly. Another big thing I try to teach my kids. I had to live & learn.
9. Live & let live. Judge not. And "before you point your finger,make sure your hands are clean." -Bob Marley
10. I believe that this blogosphere is an amazing place. The fact that so many people take time out of their day to read my posts, then leave a comment of support, to wish me well, to commisserate, to laugh......it thrills me to no end. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. When I'm really PMSing, it makes me get choked up. Seriously, blogging is truly amazing. Thank you all for being my friends!