Hug Your Mama

I mentioned a few weeks ago that my best friend Danielle was getting married for the fourth time.

A little background - Danielle has been my best friend since I was about 15 years old.

November 2012

 For her whole life, she was passed around from relative to relative.  Her "mother" could never be bothered to take care of her.

She's the only child that Jeanette had (thank God) and apparently the woman possesses no maternal instinct. Danielle was raised by, at various times, both grandparents, an aunt, her father, and probably a few others.
Jeanette (I can't even call her "mother" except for explanation purposes) has always been in and out of Danielle's life.  I don't think she ever lived with her except as a baby.  At times Danielle has tried to walk away and cut her out of her life, but she can never bring herself to tell Jeanette no when she comes crawling back and begging Danielle to have a relationship with her.

The last falling-out was probably the worst.  Jeanette literally told Danielle that she hated her.  And I am not just being biased when I say that Danielle is truly one of the most wonderful people I know.  There are many others who would say the same thing, and I am proud to call her my best friend and someone who ALWAYS has my back.

But after a few months, maybe even a year, Jeanette came crawling back once again and Danielle gave her YET ANOTHER chance to be in her life.  They have spent time together and have been working on rebuilding their relationship.

For Danielle's wedding last Saturday, Jeanette was to light Danielle's side of the unity candle and bring devilled eggs for the reception.
The wedding was supposed to start at 3pm.  Danielle's hair and makeup took longer than expected so we were running behind.

Right around 3pm, someone came in and very gently informed Danielle that Jeanette was not there yet.  She was supposed to be there early for a quick run-through 'rehearsal'.  Not only did she not make it early, obviously, but she wasn't even there when the wedding was supposed to start.

Photo: Danielles #wedding #weddingprep
that's me in the corner

Between hair, makeup, and trying to keep Danielle from having a meltdown...the wedding didn't start until 4pm.
Jeanette still wasn't there.

She never showed up.  Turns out the night before, she'd went on a drinking and drug binge.  Her boyfriend didn't even know where she was.  Clearly that was more important to her than showing up for her one and only child's wedding.

It frustrates me that Danielle keeps letting Jeanette into her life, and giving her the power to hurt her.  BUT at the same time - I can't IMAGINE how much it hurts for your own Mother not to truly care about you.  My mom and I have had a few issues here and there, but I know that she loves me unconditionally and would NEVER be a no-show at any important event in my life.

Throughout the ceremony, as happy as I know Danielle was, I could see the pain in her eyes, and I just hurt for her.  I don't care if its a fourteenth wedding - it's her DAUGHTER.  If she says she's going to be there, she should be there - PERIOD.  If she didn't want to come for whatever reason, she should have told her that in advance - not ruined her wedding by causing her pain just before the ceremony began.

Danielle and her very lucky husband

So if you have a mom who would never do such a hurtful thing to you - be thankful.
Not everyone is so lucky.


Kat said...

Aww. That is heartbreaking. I just don't understand some people. How awful.

My best friend has horrible issues with her parents too. Makes me so grateful for the ones I've got. They aren't perfect, but I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Aleta said...

Oh! Please give your friend a hug for me. Family is so very important and the ones who can hurt us the most. One of my friends, I've known her for 33 years and she had a major (MAJOR) falling out with her father. She told me, "It hurts so much, because no matter what I want to forgive him. He's the only Dad I have."

I've been fortunate that my parents are great. Sure, we have our moments and will have more of "those moments" in the future, but they are there for me. This is my third marriage and they were there for all three weddings. (There won't be a forth, Greg is a keeper :)

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Wish I could have been there to be her mom for the day. Poor thing. I don't understand how a woman can be so cruel to her child. ((HUGS))
I pray that Danielle has the most amazing life with you husband.

Shell said...

How terrible! I've had my own issues with my mother- she was at my wedding but due to the drama she caused leading up to it, I asked a friend to light my candle instead.

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

That just sucks on so many levels. I hope Danielle has found her Prince Charming... sounds like she deserves one!

Unknown said...

That's terrible. My friends mom was at her wedding but we had to keep an eye on her all day because she got drunk at her other daughters wedding and caused a scene.

Tara R. said...

I feel so bad for your friend. She is lucky to have someone like you in her corner, no matter what. Good luck to her and her husband, may they have a long, loving life together.

NJ @ A Cookie Before Dinner said...

That is terrible. At the end of the day every girl wants their mama, even if their mama doesn't want them back. Heartbreaking. My mother was an alcoholic for a really long time before she passed away and it is terrible what drugs and alcohol can do to a family. Give her an extra hug.

nancygrayce said...

One of the saddest stories! I am so blessed to have a mama that was always there....always! Bless your friend's heart!