Some of my long-time readers may remember that Andrew, my stepson, just came back to live with us a little over a year ago. If you're interested, there's more on the history
here, here, and
here. It's just too long to get into here...but for a quick summary, his biological mother has been in and out of his life since he was a small baby, and hasn't seen him at all in over a year. She hasn't called in months, allowing both Andrew's 10th birthday and Christmas to pass without even talking to him. Although we have changed our phone numbers, she has MIL's number and knows where she lives, and has never hesitated to call her in the past (when she wanted something).
She's never went this long without at least calling.
So, it appears that she has totally dropped out of Andrew's life. We don't even know where she is. We heard a while back that she was back with her husband, but more recently I've gotten some info that suggests she is no longer with him, nor her baby she had with him.
I hope his "mother" is gone for good this time. I truly believe that would be in Andrew's best interest. Far better than the in & out crap she did for the first nine years of his life, or the emotional abuse she put him through when he lived with her.
Andrew very rarely mentions her. When he does, it's usually to tell us about some bizarre thing that she forced him to do. It's
always negative.
When Andrew moved back in with us over a year ago, he asked me if he could call me Mom. I told him, as I'd told him before, that he could call me whatever he wants to call me. He mostly called me Cyndy; he seemed content just to know that he
could call me Mom if he wanted, but out of habit just called me by my name.
But a few weeks ago it occurred to me that I don't remember the last time he called me Cyndy. Towards the end of last year, he started calling me Mom more often. Gradually he has completely stopped calling me by my name. It's always Mama now.
I'm just glad that I can fill that role. It's not always easy. There are challenges. But it gets better all the time, and this recent change confirms that.
One more change you may notice - after this post, I won't be referring to him, here or elsewhere, as my stepson. I usually do, mostly for clarification; sometimes with the blended family situation, it's hard to remember who belongs to who. But from now on, he'll be called our youngest son.
Because at this point, it's time to "step" out.
The bond that links your true family is not one of blood,
but of respect and joy in each other's life.
- Richard Bach
Andrew & John, 2009
