Through His Eyes

Most of you see this picture the way it appears on top.
But my oldest son, Tim, sees it as it appears on the bottom.

That's because he is color blind.
Now before I go on, I realize that there are far worse things in life than color blindness.
My son had brain surgery. So, I get that, trust me.

My dad is color blind, so I grow up aware of that, but honestly, I thought little of it. My dad didn't make a big deal of it. I also knew that it passed from father, to daughter, to her sons. I didn't think much of that either.
But I suspected early on that my son was, indeed, color blind. He is a very smart kid. Even at a very young age, he would blow our minds with his intelligence. So when he had trouble learning his colors, I was immediately concerned. But at first, the doctors kind of blew me off; he was too young to really be diagnosed. They thought he just had trouble learning his colors.
I knew better. And in time, the doctors and school realized that I was right. He was definitely color blind.
As a mother, I think about it far more than I did as a daughter. I think of all the things that I can see, that my son cannot see. When he asks me what color something is, I feel a little squeeze of pain in my heart. That literal ache. I wish I could take his color blindness away, and let him see what I see. I literally would happily give him my color vision and be color blind for the rest of my life. I've seen plenty. I want him to see it now.
At home, we laugh and joke about it. But inside, I am hurting.
He brushes it off. He would not want to know the pain it causes me. I guess you can't miss what you've never had. He doesn't make a big deal of it at all.
Color blindness is strange. He can recognize some colors perfectly. And there are some colors that he sees better in different lighting. But I'll never truly know what exactly he sees, and the way that he sees them.
I want him to see the beautiful colors of a sunset. I want him to know what color his car really is. I want him to know the true color of his girlfriend's eyes. There are so many beautiful things in the world that he will never fully see.
And as a mother, it breaks my heart.

For more Pour Your Heart Out Posts, visit Shell at Things I Can't Say.