I'm going to try to keep this post less-than-novel-length, but there's some history that has to be explained in order for you to understand the story. I'm sorry if it doesn't make total sense, but there's just so much background and I can't cover it all.
First of all, if you want to read some of Andrew's background, you can go
here,
here,
here, or
here. (when I first started this blog, I used nicknames, and Andrew's was "Spiderman".)
But for a quick summary, Andrew is John's son. His biological "mother", Christina, left when Andrew was 6 months old. From that time on, she was in and out of Andrew's life, never a stable presence and would go long periods of time with no contact. When I met John, Andrew was 4 years old.
A few years ago, Christina briefly seemed to get her life together and married a pretty good guy I'll call G. The reason I knew he was a pretty good guy is because I knew him and his family when we were kids. It was only coincidence that G met Christina; trust me, I wouldn't set her up with my worst enemy.
So, Christina talked John into letting Andrew come stay with her. She said that she and G were doing great and could give him a great life, and to please give her a chance to be a mother to him for the first time. So John decided to give it a try, and at first things seemed to be going well. But in time, things started sliding downhill and ended in a crash and burn. Andrew came back to live with us, and we found out that it had been horrible living with her. She split with G and he told us about things that went on there. Andrew was emotionally abused on a daily basis. He is now in counseling for this.
He came back to live with us almost two years ago. Since then Christina has seen him once, about 2 months after he came back to us, for about 10 minutes. She hasn't even called in over a year. Christmas, Andrew's 10th birthday, etc. passed by with no attempts at contact. We hoped that maybe she had moved far away and we were finally done with her.
So, now we're caught up to the present time.
Two of G's sisters, V and J, were my Facebook Friends. Again, we have all known each other for many years so I saw it as an old friendship rather than a connection to Christina. And for about a year or more that's all it was. Then a couple of weeks ago, after I mentioned that I was taking the kids to see Toy Story 3 when it came out, I got a message from G's sister V. She has a son who Andrew was very close with while he lived with Christina. V wanted to know if they could meet us at Toy Story 3 so that the boys could see each other and they could all see Andrew, because they missed him a lot. She also assured me that if we didn't feel that it was good idea, that was fine, they "love and respect Andrew SO much" and would never do anything to hurt him. She stressed that it would only be her and her two kids.
John and I discussed it and decided that right now, we want that whole chapter of Andrew's life involving Christina to remain closed. He's come a long way and we'd hate for him to regress. So I very kindly wrote V back explaining this to her. Specifically, I told her that we hadn't heard from Christina in a year and wanted to keep it that way. She replied that she totally understood, but made a comment about also respecting her brother for loving Christina and giving her another chance. Now, we had thought Christina and G were still separated or even divorced by now, but apparently not.
So, I thought that was the end of it. Then last week, my Mother In Law's phone rang. Lo and behold, after all this time, it's Christina popping out of the woodwork. MIL wasn't home but Christina left a message saying she just wanted to know how Andrew is doing because she misses him SOOOO much.
So, I thought, there's no way this is a coincidence. V must have had something to do with this. But at the same time, I really respected this family and didn't want to believe that V would do something like that.
Until I got a Facebook message. From CHRISTINA. Who barely even knows how to operate a computer. But she had just made a new Facebook account and guess who was her ONE AND ONLY FB Friend?
V, of course.
And her message said that she misses Andrew so much, and "mother to mother", could I please be kind enough to send her pictures of HER SON?
I was LIVID. I couldn't believe that V would do that, not to me but to ANDREW!
And Christina's mistake was to refer to Andrew as "HER SON", when speaking to the woman who has stepped up and became a mother to "HER SON"!
So I sat down and composed some Facebook messages. I am surprised sparks weren't flying from my fingertips, I was SO freaking mad.
I told Christina first of all that biology does not make a mother. I told her that Andrew calls me Mama and wants
nothing to do with her. I told her that if she does truly have any love for him, then leave him alone to be with a stable family.
Then I messaged V. I told her I was shocked that she would do this to Andrew. I explained that he is in therapy because of all the abuse he endured at Christina's hands and how dare she bring her back into his life? I said, your family may be fooled by her, but we've been through her crap enough times to know that she will lie, use you, and then stab you in the back. It's the only thing Christina knows how to do. I also told her that her entire family would now be blocked from my Facebook (cutting off their only contact to anyone connected with Andrew).
Then, while looking at my Facebook pictures, I found a photo that I decided I was, in fact, willing to share with Christina.
Here it is:
(click to make it bigger - it's the Mother's Day card Andrew made this year for ME.)
Cold hearted? Why yes, yes it is. But you don't mess with MY kids.
I don't want it to exist.
Hallie from Wonderful World of Wieners lost her son CJ in April. Her family courageously participated in an Out of the Darkness walk this past weekend, and those of us who could not attend were offered the opportunity - no, the honor - of buying and wearing a Team CJ shirt.
June 24, 2010 12:36 AM