It's Not Enough to say to a friend, "you know you're welcome to come over and visit any time".
You need to say "Hey, I'd like you to come over for dinner this week. Is Wednesday good for you?"
Maintaining relationships with friends and family is important. Casual 'stop by anytime' throw-out statements are not conducive to that.
It's Not Enough to say to your aging parents, "I'm going to come visit as soon as I have time". You won't have time. You MUST make time. You never know when time will run out.
It's Not Enough to say "let me know if there's anything I can do for you" when someone is going through a terribly difficult time or a loss. For most people, they won't do it. Even if they have a need, they won't call. They don't want to be a burden. When Hunter's Dad's health took this recent bad turn, at first I asked that question to Hunter's mom..."let me know how I can help". Of course she didn't. So I told Hunter to ask her if they would be home on Tuesday night. She said yes. I made dinner and Hunter and I took it over and we all ate together. (except his dad, who is no longer eating.)
Just show up. And if you see a need - offer to help specifically. Don't say "If you need someone to take care of the dog while you're at radiation appointments for several hours, call me". Say "When is the next radiation appointment? OK, I'll be here to take care of the dog."
I don't think there are very many people who sit at a funeral thinking "Man, I spent WAY too much time with this dude. Sure wish I'd made less time for him in my life while he was still living....."
16 comments:
You are so right on the mark with this post! I know I would never ask anyone to help me because of exactly what you wrote, don't want to burden anyone. Thanks for pointing this out !
Wonderful advice! When my husband died I lost count of how many people said, "Call us if you need anything." Yeah, right. I never called any of them.
You are so right and I catch myself doing/saying these things a lot. I do at least make an effort with my parents though!
You are so right! I catch myself doing/saying these things alot. I do at least make an effort with my parents though!
You hit the nail on the head with this one, Sista!
Exactly!!! I always tell my kids not to ask someone if they need help. Just give them the help!
Perfect post!
Thank you for the reminder! :)
You are 100% right. We all need to be more specific with our offers. I am quick to offer generic help and happy to help. I think I'd get more mileage with specifics!
Being specific makes the offer seem more sincere and more likely to be taken up on. Like instead of saying to my sil who is a new mom let me know if I can bring you something, I called and said hey, I'm standing in the baby aisle of target, what do you need? I know otherwise, she would have said she was fine.
Very good points! We all need reminders like this from time to time!
People have good hearts when they ask if they can help out. But you are right, someone in need won't always pick up the phone to ask for help.
Good advise on how to be more proactive!
What a great reminder & what a great friend you are for making the effort & taking the initiative.
You definitely nailed it with this one, Cyndy...great reminder for us all!
You are so very right. I need to go call my grandpa... except he is not up yet!
So very sorry for your loss!
To echo what everyone else said--you are right on the mark with this one. I am not good at asking for help but I am quick to offer it. From now on I will be very specific in offering when I see a need. The worst thing a person can say is no.
Actions, not words, speak the loudest. Love this post!!
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