Remembering CJ

I've posted here before about my dear bloggy friend Hallie, who lost her beloved son, CJ, to suicide.

Hallie & her family are never far from my thoughts. I can't even wrap my head around what she has been through, what her life is like now.

I can tell you that it has affected my relationship with my children, particularly my son, and his friends. I don't tiptoe around, fearful of doing or saying the wrong thing....but I am mindful. Mindful that suicide does happen. Nobody is immune, and it happens to those you would least expect it to. I try to make sure my children know that no matter what, I love them unconditionally, and they can always come to me with their problems. I don't want to lose them and then wonder if they knew how much I loved them.

Recently, one of my son's friends came to me at a low period in his life. Like a lot of kids his age (19), he's trying to figure out where he fits in in the world, and what he wants to do with his life, and he was feeling like he wasn't in a very good place in life. I tried to choose my words so carefully, to encourage him that it was normal for him to be at this place at this time. And to encourage him to find his passion in life, set goals, and go for it. But most of all to let him know that I love him unconditionally for who he is. He has two wonderful parents who love him that way too, but sometimes kids think "they're my parents, they have to love me". I wanted him to know that I CHOOSE to love him that much, because he deserves it, and because he's smart and kind and amazing. Did I change his life, or even make a huge difference? I don't know. He was very sweet and thankful. We talked for hours over two days. I only hope and pray that I helped him in some way. I also hope and pray that my kids can come to me at times like that, and if not me, someone else who will encourage them and pull them through.

That being said, Hallie is doing a fundraiser in honor of her beloved CJ, and I wanted to bring attention to that here. It's a raffle and for every dollar you donate, you get a chance to win one of 16 different prize packages.

Hallie, I will never, ever forget you or CJ. I send you my love.


Furry Bottoms said...

I know you made a difference in that boy's life. He may not even fully realize it himself, but years down the road, when he looks back on his childhood, he is going to remember this.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

First off, thank you for the link and mention. I can't tell the world all by myself about my fundraiser. Your helpig me is truly appreciated.

I am so proud of you for what you did. I have no idea if what you said will help that young man but I suspect it will. Suicide is such an awful beast and it attacks families without warning sometimes. I am sad beyond words that my son os gone. That he felt putting a gun to his beautiful head was the only answer will suffocate me with sadness the rest of my life. I have no idea how I could have stopped him but I die a little each day when I remember that he's gone.

Kat said...

What a beautiful post. You are such a wise mama. And your kids (and their friends) are so lucky to have you.
My prayers are with your friend and her family. Such a tragedy.

Actingbalanced said...

So sorry for your friend's loss - I volunteer with middle school students and I've seen depression take hold of some very bright and wonderful kids and have tired to reach out like you did - but sometimes the demons are more than we can help them with. Thank you for bringing the fundraiser and CJ's story to light.

Anonymous said...

Wow, so sad. But, yes I think one thing can make a difference. So glad he came to you instead of someone who wouldn't care.

Amy said...

Sometimes I think it's easier for a teen to talk to an adult that's not a parent. I know I've heard all kinds of things from my kids friends. And I've made points that I know their parents have tried to make but sometimes it's just hearing it from someone else or the way it's worded.

I'm sure you touched that boys life just by being there to listen. So many times I've seen kids just need someone to listen. Anyone who's not so busy that they can give a teen some time.

You're an angel