Last night, I dreamed I had a baby. It was a boy. And it was scary.
I remember searching everywhere for diapers (and somehow finding some, oddly).
He had one of those liquidy, explosive poops all over himself. I woke up right when I was about to change him.
And I thought, OhThankGodIDon'tHaveToCleanThatShit!
Our children are 15, 12, 8, and 7. That's YEARS old.
When Dysfunctional Dad and I met, they were 11, 8, 4, and 3.
Very, very early in our relationship, we discussed future children. He said he'd like to have more. (he also has a son in heaven, who would be 10 in November.) I told him that I had my tubes tied and no more children were in the future for me. And that was that.
For a while.
Sometimes, talk would turn to babies. Hubs really loves him some babies. And I do, too. But those babies...they grow up. It may have taken me three times, but I did learn that. They grow up and learn to talk. Back. And they cost money and make messes and eat everything that doesn't eat them first.
I think it goes without saying that I love the ones I have. But I really wasn't interested in having any more. Not only did I not want to start all over again with the baby stuff, but I had three pretty rough deliveries. Preeclampsia, high blood pressure, large & in charge babies that didn't want to come out of their comfy home, leading to 3 c-sections...I wasn't exactly anxious to do that again.
But in time, I started to think that it would be nice if we had one baby together. Just one little small baby. I knew the hubby would be amazing while I was pregnant, I mean he's amazing already. And I know he's a wonderful father.
So, we checked into it and discovered that a tubal reversal was very doable. Due to the method my OB/GYN used, it would be very simple to reverse and my chances of getting pregnant were very good. Due to my job, financial arrangements would have been very easily made.
It suddenly became a reality.
And that's when we really had to make the final decision.
At the same time, my weight had been creeping up and I'd begun to think of having Weight Loss Surgery. I was afraid of what gaining even more weight would do to my body. I figured high blood pressure (again), preeclampsia (again) and gestational diabetes were almost a given.
And then...I thought about our children. The ones who were already on this Earth, the ones who have to come first. Always.
They need a healthy mother/stepmother. They need all that we have to give them, emotionally and financially. Our time and our attention.
My Princess is the baby, and I wanted to her to always be the baby.
Dys Dad and I talked and talked. He was always supportive of whatever I decided. And together, we decided that my health and our children had to come first.
So the decision was made. I began the process of having Weight Loss Surgery, and the rest is history.
I have no regrets. We are blessed with five children, four on this earth. We have our dogs & cat, who require time and attention (and money) themselves.
We have our health.
And we have each other.
Who could ask for anything more?
How did YOU make the decision that your family was complete...or that it wasn't?