8.04.2008

On Babies .....and Complete Families.

Last night, I dreamed I had a baby. It was a boy. And it was scary.
I remember searching everywhere for diapers (and somehow finding some, oddly).
He had one of those liquidy, explosive poops all over himself. I woke up right when I was about to change him.
And I thought, OhThankGodIDon'tHaveToCleanThatShit!
Our children are 15, 12, 8, and 7. That's YEARS old.
When Dysfunctional Dad and I met, they were 11, 8, 4, and 3.
Very, very early in our relationship, we discussed future children. He said he'd like to have more. (he also has a son in heaven, who would be 10 in November.) I told him that I had my tubes tied and no more children were in the future for me. And that was that.
For a while.
Sometimes, talk would turn to babies. Hubs really loves him some babies. And I do, too. But those babies...they grow up. It may have taken me three times, but I did learn that. They grow up and learn to talk. Back. And they cost money and make messes and eat everything that doesn't eat them first.
I think it goes without saying that I love the ones I have. But I really wasn't interested in having any more. Not only did I not want to start all over again with the baby stuff, but I had three pretty rough deliveries. Preeclampsia, high blood pressure, large & in charge babies that didn't want to come out of their comfy home, leading to 3 c-sections...I wasn't exactly anxious to do that again.
But in time, I started to think that it would be nice if we had one baby together. Just one little small baby. I knew the hubby would be amazing while I was pregnant, I mean he's amazing already. And I know he's a wonderful father.
So, we checked into it and discovered that a tubal reversal was very doable. Due to the method my OB/GYN used, it would be very simple to reverse and my chances of getting pregnant were very good. Due to my job, financial arrangements would have been very easily made.
It suddenly became a reality.
And that's when we really had to make the final decision.
At the same time, my weight had been creeping up and I'd begun to think of having Weight Loss Surgery. I was afraid of what gaining even more weight would do to my body. I figured high blood pressure (again), preeclampsia (again) and gestational diabetes were almost a given.
And then...I thought about our children. The ones who were already on this Earth, the ones who have to come first. Always.
They need a healthy mother/stepmother. They need all that we have to give them, emotionally and financially. Our time and our attention.
My Princess is the baby, and I wanted to her to always be the baby.
Dys Dad and I talked and talked. He was always supportive of whatever I decided. And together, we decided that my health and our children had to come first.
So the decision was made. I began the process of having Weight Loss Surgery, and the rest is history.
I have no regrets. We are blessed with five children, four on this earth. We have our dogs & cat, who require time and attention (and money) themselves.
We have our health.
And we have each other.
Who could ask for anything more?

How did YOU make the decision that your family was complete...or that it wasn't?

16 comments:

Ness said...

My first one came after we had been married for 18 months(and her grandma is still counting to see if she was in the oven at the wedding.) Then there was a long 8 year draught where I couldn't get pregnant on my own, went with the fertility drugs, conceived 5(3 boys 2 girls) and lost them on Easter Sunday. Decided to give up and go to nursing school. Became pregnant with Michael and we went to school together. One boy, one girl...we're done. Until I found out I was pregnant with Kiereney one week before her dad's vasectomy. We cut, tied, burned and braided my tubes after her C-section delivery. The youngest were 18 months and 18 days apart and it was like raising twins.

Kel said...

The hub and I combined had 2 (boy and girl) and sat on the fence for many years about expanding our brood...we were finally out of diapers, daycare and the kids were growing like weeds when to our suprise we were expecting another. Now we have 3 and yes, they do require our money and our time, and our energy, and our love...but it is worth every minute of it. I decided after 2 not so fun pregnancys (placenta previa and gestational diabeties) that I did not want to experience that again and had my tubes tied. We are all happy and healthy and that is what counts.
~K

Kel said...

The hub and I combined had 2 (boy and girl) and sat on the fence for many years about expanding our brood...we were finally out of diapers, daycare and the kids were growing like weeds when to our suprise we were expecting another. Now we have 3 and yes, they do require our money and our time, and our energy, and our love...but it is worth every minute of it. I decided after 2 not so fun pregnancys (placenta previa and gestational diabeties) that I did not want to experience that again and had my tubes tied. We are all happy and healthy and that is what counts.
~K

DCY said...

I had been married for four years (my accountant hubby (ex now) had all the big events planned and on a time-line), couldn't get pregnant until we had bought a house. We tried to get pregnant for about a year. Then went through blowing out the tubes, fertility drugs and finally got pregnant. Had to have a c-section. When my daughter was six or seven I started wanting another baby. I knew the trouble I had to go through in the past, so I went straight to my OB-GYN to get checked out for the whole routine again, but GOD decided one was all there was going to be for me, I was found to have pre-cancer of the uterus and the doctor said it was very fast growing and decided I was better off with a TAH. I now have my daughter, two step-daughters, and five step-grandchildren.

Tammie said...

I think the decision to have or not have more children is intensely personal and you just have to listen to your heart and mind. After my daughter was born my hubby and i knew our finances dictated that we just couldnt support more kids without me going back to work so the hubs had a vasectomy and it was the best decision for us. I love my kids, but I do have plans for my life apart from caring for them---and new babies just don't fit into that plan.

Also, I just don't get that ooey-gooey tickle in my tummy anymore when I see a baby. In the past everytime I held a beautiful baby I would get the urge to have one more of my own. I just don't have the desire anymore.

Kathryn said...

I'm still trying to talk the hubby into a fourth. I really don't think I could get him to agree to a fifth. I don't know if I'll ever be able to say that I'm done having kids. It is the greatest thing I've ever done. It will be a sad day for me. That's for sure. But I know I'm blessed having 3 boys already, so I won't complain. :)

baby girl said...

we are also wondering if we want more babies.

DYSFUNCTIONAL MOM said...

Kel, if we had only had 2, we almost definitely would've had at least one more. But with four...that changes things! lol
Tammie, I don't get the 'tickle' any more, either. I just want to love on them, and then hand them back to their parents. I'll make a great grandmother!

Insta-mom said...

I have four boys...a step and three bios. The last two were a surprise pregnancy. And surprise twins. Fertility had failed me, so we were going to adopt. They put that on hold. Now with four, we're a full house, a full minivan, and an empty pantry. My heart still breaks for the baby we didn't adopt, and I still think of it happening "someday," but I really think four is as far as we're going. Bittersweet.

Thanks for stopping by my place!

sogratefultobemormon.wordpress.com said...

hi C ~
glad you know what you have and appreciated it. sweet post.

blessings,
beany :)

krissy said...

I was like you....very hard pregnancy. I couldn't take the chance of losing my life for another child. I had a child and if I died having another one that would leave 2 babies without a mother.

I am totally at peace with having one kid. Hubby doesn't have any biological kids and he is more then content with my Diva. He loves to spoil her and only her. He's amazing.

Good story!!

DYSFUNCTIONAL MOM said...

Krissy, my hubby is like that with my Princess. They are very close and both adore each other. He has has little girl!

Tara R. said...

When our youngest was about one, I started having some weird "girly" problems and had to go in for some exploratory surgery to find out if my pieces parts were okay. By then, Hubs and I had two kids, a girl and a boy, and had decided that I would be a SAHM. Financially we could care for two children nicely, three not so much, four definitely not. I was perfectly happy with two children and so was Hubs. Since I was going under the knife anyway, we schedule a little plumbing work and I had a tubal ligation. I've wondered if we made the right decision sometimes, but now I know we did.

DYSFUNCTIONAL MOM said...

Tara, that's another thing that I forgot to mention. It was a given that I would be a SAHM if we did have another baby. I don't put down anyone who doesn't make that choice, but it's the only choice for me. That would've required an even bigger financial commitment which was also a big part of our decision.
I'm glad you don't have regrets!

anymommy said...

Hard question. I don't think we are quite there yet - no final decisions I mean. But, I love your story and I love that you prioritized your health and your current family. That must have been an incredibly tough surgery.

Insane Mama said...

I had my tubes tied also, sometimes I regret it, because babies are just soo yummy! My last two were premature babies. My body was DONE!

So we have my four that live here, and two step kids that visit. We have enough I guess.