Medical Mondays - What I Do.

My first husband's current wife (my children's stepmother) likes to refer to my occupation as "ass-wiper".
Charming, isn't she?  She's also going to school to be a NURSE.  Shudder.

Anyway.  I am a Nurse Tech, or Nursing Assistant, on the Med/Surg floor of a hospital.
When my husband told his nurse friend what I do for a living, his friend immediately said "She works HARD for her money." And I certainly do.

I have so many different duties and responsibilities in my job that neither of you nor I have time for me to list them all.  And no two nights are ever the same.  But I have never made a secret of the fact that one of my job duties is to help clean incontinent patients.  (I refuse to call it "wiping ass", that is SO disrespectful to my patients.)

I also take vital signs, making me the first line of defense to detect if a patient is having any issues.  I am an important link in a chain of health care professionals.
I perform blood glucose tests.  I hook up telemetry monitors.  I connect oxygen tubing.   I attach sequential compression devices.  I do portable bladder ultrasounds.
Last week I assisted a nurse with an enema and impaction removal.  Yep - that's a NURSE JOB.

Some nights I feel like a waitress.  Some nights I feel like a therapist.
Some nights I have zero incontinent patients.
Some nights I have three.
But when I think of the comments from ignorant, disrespectful people, it makes me angry.  Not for myself - certainly I couldn't care less what someone like that thinks of me.

But I picture my incontinent patients.  Usually frail, elderly people.  They are helpless and unable to clean themselves.  They are embarrassed and uncomfortable in every way.  They never asked to be in that position.  They deserve someone who respects them, and cares enough to clean them up immediately, quickly yet thoroughly, and in a professional manner, while allowing them to maintain their dignity.

A few weeks ago I had a sweet elderly lady as one of my patients.  She tried to make it to the bathroom to void her bladder, but she didn't make it in time.  She was so humiliated.  She said that was the first time in her life it had ever happened.  I helped her clean up, changed her sheets, all the while smiling and chatting with her.  She still kept apologizing and was so ashamed, she was literally in tears.  I finally took her by the hand and said, "Please, stop apologizing.  It happens.  If you were feeling well, you wouldn't be in the hospital.  I have cleaned up FAR worse than this.  It's part of my job.  I don't mind at all." And she said to me, "You are a wonderful person.  There is a special place in heaven for you."

And I hear that all the time.  "Thank you.  You are so sweet.  Thank you for taking such good care of me."   It makes it all worthwhile.

And anyone who refers to that as "ass-wiping" deserves NOT to have a compassionate person to take care of them when they find themselves in the unfortunate position of being helpless and incontinent.  They deserve to sit in it for a while.

Not everyone can handle my job - I get that.  But I can and I do, and I do it quite well.
Oh and one last thing - if you are a nurse and you have NEVER cleaned up an incontinent patient, PLEASE leave me a comment.  I would love to know how you managed to escape a job that every single nurse on the planet does.

Go visit Your Doctor's Wife for more Medical Monday posts.
P.S.  It's Nurse's Week!  Hug your favorite Nursing Professional!