Wicked Stepmother, Circa 2009

Yep, that's Me.

I read a post on AnyMommy's blog the other day. (I love her, by the way.)
The one about Just Rewards (crazy computer won't let me link directly to that post).
That post really made me think. About my stepson.
Because Andrew has issues as well, although most of them are undiagnosed at this point (we're working on that). And because of that, I have rules and discipline for him that others do not understand. Rarely is anything said to my face, but I know for certain things are said behind my back, probably far more than I know. But that's ok. Because they don't understand.
The best example I can think of is what happens at Elayna's softball practice & games. Two hours for Andrew to find something to do. Since it takes place outdoors, it's really not hard. He thoroughly enjoys himself. However, I realized early on that some ground rules would have to be set. Minor problems arose early on, and I am a 'nip-it-in-the-bud' kind of mom. I have to be, especially with him.

Rule #1. Stay where I can see you. I think it's obvious why I have this rule.
Rule #2. Don't play with other kids' toys. You're welcome to bring your own. This one came about after several occasions where all of the kids were playing with one kids' toys, and they went missing or they fought over them, with Andrew right in the middle of it all.
Rule #3. Keep your hands to yourself. Andrew is very touchy-feely. There are issues with this. He was hugging kids (whom he'd never met before) on Day One of practice. Some mothers are not a fan of this. I understand that. Also, spinning little girls around by their arms can make them pop out of the socket. Not fun.

The "sentence" for breaking a rule is that he has to sit in the stands with me for the remainder of the practice or game.
I'm not a total hardass. I give reminders. I give warnings. But after about the third warning, when I looked around and couldn't find him anywhere, and eventually found him behind a building with another child's toy in his hand...it was discipline time.
So everyone looks at the poor, dejected child, chin in his hand, miserably sitting on the stands, bored and sad. But he won't do it again, right?
Until a few practices later. I see him running around with something in his hand, but I didn't know what it was and got distracted by something on the field. Finally a few minutes later, I see him from another angle. It's a freaking Gameboy. Not only is he breaking Rule #2, he's doing it with a toy that would cost me around $200 to replace!
Repeat above scenario. Poor sad child. Evil wicked mean stepmother.

And that's just one example out of hundreds. And you know, at this point, I just don't care. Those who are judging have no idea what our life is like. What he's been through. What we've all been through. There are reasons for the things that we do, and frankly they are nobody's business.

And you know what else? Overall, my methods work. He listens to me better than anyone else. He has only had to sit out on those two occasions. He's very careful to ask me if something is OK before he does it. In fact he's one of the better-behaved kids at the practices.

But I guess the reason I am posting this (other than to vent) is to say to my readers...please don't judge other parents too harshly. Please step back and think that there may be more...so much more...to the situation than the 5 minutes you happen to see.

Grant That I May Not Criticize My Neighbor
Until I Have walked a Mile in His Moccasins.
Native American Saying