Today, I had a chauffeur.

Today, I had a chauffeur driving me around town. And that makes me want to cry.
Why, you ask? That chauffeur was my 15 month year old son.
How in the hell did he turn 15 when I turned my back for just a moment?
T-bone is my only son. I have a stepson who I love dearly. But he has a mother who loves him. I consider him one of my own, but T-bone is my firstborn baby son. He made me a mother. He made me feel that love that you have for your child, that is like nothing else on this earth. I never knew I could love that intensely, that fiercely.
He and I have a bond that nothing will take away. He and I can yell at each other and get so mad at each other that we're ready to explode! But 5 minutes later we'll be cracking up.
When he was really little, he'd spontaneously say "I love you" quite often. One day in a store, a lady heard him and laughed and said, "Uh-oh, what does he want?" But he didn't want anything. He just liked to tell me he loved me a lot.
And he liked to sing to me. And rock the kitten to sleep singing "Amazing Grace". And a million other adorable things.
And then there were embarassing things. When his sister was only a few months old, and he was not quite three, we were at the grocery store and we saw a friend of mine. Of course, she was oooh-ing and aaah-ing over the baby.
I don't know if he was getting jealous of the attention or what.....but he leaned over and licked the baby.
On the head.
He licked his sister. I wanted to crawl under the cereal display. But now it's hilarious!
So, now my loving little licker is driving around. He takes turns a little too fast and makes me think he's not going to stop in time to avoid hitting the stopped car in front of us. But he's brand-new and learning, and doing a good job.
And I'm learning, too. I'm learning that I've done a great job with this boy, and I'm so proud of him. I'm learning to let go, even though I want to shrink him back into a 2 year old. I'm learning when to give him advice about life, and when to let him figure things out on his own. Because he's amazingly good at figuring things out on his own, when given the chance. He's very perceptive and knows more than people think he does. He's quite mature, as well.
And I'm totally babbling on here because I have so much on my mind, and so many mixed emotions running through me right now. In fact, I have more things on my mind that I'd LOVE to share here, but I can't, because certain people read my blog. And it really sucks that I can't share with you the way I'd like to because of that.
Hippos abound.