2.25.2010

The Grand Scheme of Things

I tend to look at the Grand Scheme of Things, in parenting as well as life in general.
I think a lot of people focus on the Right Now. They forget that we are not only raising children; we are raising future adults.
It may seem that focusing on that would make life/parenting more stressful, but in fact it makes it less stressful. Because when you step back and look at the big picture, you realize that things that seem so huge, so important, so overwhelming....are really not a big deal in the Grand Scheme of Things.
That fit your child is pitching in Target over the toy you won't buy? Right now, you're embarassed, frustrated, exhausted....but in a month, you'll barely remember it.
But the fact that you won't back down....that stays with your child. Do that enough times, you've set a pattern and you've set boundaries. You've taught them a lesson in the Grand Scheme of Things.
The fact that today you just weren't feeling it. You stayed on the sofa in your pajamas eating ice cream, and let your child watch TV all day.
You will feel better. Your child will not remember it. Your child will NOT be scarred for life. It is truly not a big deal in the Grand Scheme of Things.
My philosophy is...you teach them to be the kind of person you wish they would be. You teach them about what is most important to you. You teach them lessons and guide by example. You correct them and discipline them. And then...you let go.
They won't remember every lesson, nor will they remember every failure. The fact that you moved several times due to bad luck, unfortunate choices, job transfers, military service, whatever....will not ruin your child's life. The fact that you worked, stayed at home, divorced, went to school....all of these things are important in the moment. They will affect your child, no doubt. But they are not necessarily, by themselves, the defining moments of your child's life. All of your child's life experiences combine in the Grand Scheme of Things. The good and the bad. They all shape your child. You make the best of the bad things, and make as many good memories as you can. And you LOVE THEM. Because while love itself may not be enough, it is without a doubt the most important thing. Give them your love, and as much as you can of everything else. It all works out in the Grand Scheme of Things.
That's the philosophy of the Dysfunctional Mom....take it or leave it.

16 comments:

cat said...

Oh my, great great and wise words girl.

C said...

very deep wisdom and very wise words.... thank you, i needed to hear that today.

i WILL keep looking at the big picture... and not focus on this moment...

c

C said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christine said...

A fab post!
I agree with your philosophy, Cyndy. It's important to keep things in perspective and not to sweat the seriously small stuff. I know that it's not always easy, but it is true.

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

What a wonderful post! You really nailed it and it is so true!

April said...

I say that's a great philosophy to have! Two thumbs up from me!

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

Very good post & exactly what I've been needing to hear lately.

Mama Wheaton said...

Thanks I needed that as well!

Unknown Mami said...

I'll take it! In the grand scheme of things, you are wise!

Just Breathe said...

Great post. I taught my children manners and I am so proud of them as adults. Don't sweat the small stuff. Respect for people and their feelings will get them places.

Jenners said...

Well said!

Momisodes said...

Definitely some sage words of advice here and a great reminder.

Seizing My Day said...

love love love! I agree.
Just Jenn~ seizingmyday.com

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

When I was in 6th grade, I read a book called "Walk Two Moons." The lesson of the book was this: "In the course of a lifetime, what will it matter?" It's now been 16 years since I was in 6th grade, but I still remember the book as clear as day!

~Elizabeth
Confessions From A Working Mom

Kat said...

A very good reminder. And very wise advice. :)

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

Just stopping by to thank you for visiting me on my SITS day and leaving me some blog love! Everyone was so sweet and I really enjoyed the day!

Blessings,
LMM