11.17.2009

Prematurity Awareness Day - Shouldn't Have to Be

Today is Prematurity Awareness Day. I've blogged about my husband's firstborn son, Baby JW, many times. I'm going to re-run a previous post for today's entry, but first I want to tell a quick story.
On the latest visit to Baby JW's grave earlier this month, we glued new Hot Wheels to his flat stone, and put a Happy Birthday balloon in the ground beside his grave. It was the small balloon that has a stick instead of a string. After we stuck it in the ground, it started waving side to side. The funny thing was, nothing else around us was moving. Not the flowers on other graves, the grass, nothing. John said, "Look, he's shaking his balloon!" Then, the flowers on the other graves started moving too. And John said, "Look, he's shaking everyone's stuff, it's a party!" It was so cute.
Don't get me wrong, the loss of Baby JW is something John will mourn for the rest of his life. But our visits and volunteering for the March for Babies have helped him with the grieving process, and I'm glad that he is able to see beyond his grief, and know that Baby JW is in a better place, and celebrating in heaven.


Shouldn't Have to Be Originally posted 12/31/2008




We shouldn't have to put this Christmas tree on a cold little grave.

We shouldn't have to glue cars onto a hard slab.

We shouldn't have to see the brand-new grave beside his, of a baby who only lived for one day.


There shouldn't have to be a baby section in a cemetery.

There shouldn't have to be parents with empty arms.

There shouldn't have to be parents wondering what their kids would be doing that Christmas, if only they had lived.


I shouldn't have to kneel down and tell that baby how wonderful his father is.

I shouldn't have to tell him that he will see him again in Heaven, of this I have no doubt.

I shouldn't have to tell him about his little brother, and how I wish they could play together.


He shouldn't have to wonder what his son would be like today.

He shouldn't have to visit his firstborn son in a cemetery.

He shouldn't have to miss his son, every single day.

27 comments:

Erin said...

You're right he shouldn't have to do any of those things. And my heart goes out to both of you, it's tough! But nice to see that he is having a party with all his neighbors! That would make me smile too!

BoufMom9 said...

So heartbreaking. It's so wonderful that you are able to focus some of your grief to help others so that they might not have to feel the same pain...
bless you both.

Amy B said...

I knelt down this week and put a small solar tree on my nephews grave. I sat in his room with the door shut when I was there alone. I am up at 3 am because I can not stop thinking about Jackson and what it would of been like ....so many what if 's .
Great post...Thank you for sharing ..

cat said...

Great post - and yes, it should not be, ever!

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

What a touching post! Thanking you for sharing this. You are so right - no one should have to do these things.
Hugs!

Tammie said...

im always so touched when you talk about baby JW. as sad as it is, i think its wonderful how you and your family has kept his memory alive.

do you know of any other reputable charities doing work for premature babies or is MOD the only one?

imorello said...

On behalf of the March of Dimes, I want to thank you so much for sharing your touching story. I am truly sorry for the loss of Baby JW.

In case you didn't already know, the March of Dimes has an online community (www.ShareYourStory.org) that connects parents to share their experiences and find comfort in one another.

Again, thank you so much for taking part in Fight for Preemies and your continued support of the March of Dimes. Best wishes to you and yours.

blueviolet said...

That's very, very sad, but I do like what you all thought about the balloon shaking. :)

C said...

awwww honey- no, you shouldnt have to do any of that at a baby's graveside... BECAUSE he is not there. his soul is with jesus in heaven, rejoicing continually that you remember him and still feel the love for him that he was sent here to give. your lives are different because he came, even if briefly... look at all the good things which have come out of this because he was here... every little life, no matter how brief, has a purpose.. which you and your dear hubby are loyally, continually, lovingly, living every single day for the rest of your lives. something which perhaps wouldnt occur if not for him. think of all the differences you have and are making... you will never know the totality of it. and as sure as i breathe, i am sure he already knows how special his siblings are as he can see their hearts from where he is. god bless you and yours.. your loss and pain are not for nothing..


hugs


c

Noelle said...

that was a very touching post. thank you for sharing...i'm sorry for hubby's loss.

shortmama said...

So heartbreaking..I do believe he was shaking that little balloon!

Momisodes said...

No child or parent should ever have to endure this. Prematurity is so frightening and so much more common than most people know. Thank you for bringing light to it every year.

Jen said...

This is a beautiful post but it is sad that it had to be written.

It is good that we are fighting to end prematurity so then hopefully no other parents will have to write something like this.

Unknown Mami said...

Huge knot in my throat from that touching poem.

Melissa B. said...

Thank you for this poignant post, and for raising the awareness of all of us. You're right-it's just not right...

anymommy said...

You shouldn't. I loved this the first time. I'm thinking of you both.

Mrsblogalot said...

Yes, never.
I will probably think about this one for the rest of the day.
My heart goes out to you guys

The (Un)Experienced Mom said...

That's all so true! My heart goes out to those who have to deal with all of this.

Tamara
www.theunexperiencedmom.com

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

That is a beautiful post.

foxy said...

Oh my gosh, how incredibly sad. My heart goes out to you. But what a beautiful, beautiful tribute to that sweet baby.

I appreciate your putting this out there to make other people aware.

Thanks for coming by my place today, sitsta. I'll see you again real soon...

Kristin said...

Oh wow, that is heartbreaking. I'm glad he could find a smile through his pain. We lost a little one before our little dude was born. I can't imagine how much worse the pain would be if the baby had been born instead of "lost." Your poor hubs.

Shannon said...

That's great that you can be there for him and support him even though Baby JW wasn't your son. We lost a nephew at less than 2 weeks old.... thanks for the comment luv today!

Helene said...

This was a beautifully written post. Thank you for sharing it.

Kirby3131 said...

That was lovely and sad and heartbreaking and funny. I'm glad you could see the humor in the balloon waving. Thanks for posting this.

Kristin - The Goat

Life with Kaishon said...

I am so sorry for your husbands loss. How terribly sad. What a wonderful post to bring awareness. Thank you!

Twisted Fencepost said...

Such a sad post.
The only comfort is knowing he is not suffering.
My heart goes out to you both!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Major goosebumps...

Love that your hubby observed the 'party'! ;) ((HUGZ!!))