1.09.2009

To Nag or not....


....that is my dilemma.

My hubby helps out around the house a lot. He's great with the kids. He's a great husband.

He doesn't smoke, or drink, or have any bad habits....except one.

It's his diet. He loves fried chicken, cheeseburgers, french fries, soda....total garbage.

I primarily eat a healthy diet since my weight loss surgery, but as someone who used to have major issues with food, I've tried to leave him alone and not nag him. I know how hard it is to struggle with food and eat healthy. I would still be eating a terrible diet if not for my weight loss surgery. So, I get it. And it's not about him losing weight; he's only moderately overweight and I swear from the bottom of my heart, it's not about that AT ALL. I love him with all my heart, exactly as he is.

BUT...here's the thing. His father died in his late forties due to complications of congestive heart failure.

That's FORTIES, people, as in 4-0-s, as in, J is already 31. The thought of losing him that early in life is terrifying to me....incomprehensible.

This past weekend we were talking about his dad, and I tried to subtly drop some hints that he should really start taking better care of himself. He's pretty active but we could always exercise more, too. He always agrees and says he's going to start eating healthy, and he starts off well but then goes back to the old habits.
So here's my question. I think if I stop buying him unhealthy foods and basically nag the crap out of him, he'll eat more healthy foods. At the very least, he'll only eat the crap occasionally instead of most of the time. But I don't want to be a nag. I'm not a naggy kind of person. I'm more the type to tell you what I think and then let you do what you want.
I also don't want him to think I'm nagging for any reason BUT the fact that I don't want to lose him at a young age. It's about his health....it's about his life.

So....please, tell me what you think. Should I nag, or not?

38 comments:

Buddha's Place said...

Thinking about the people I have lost lately...hell yeah nag him. But! You have to explain it just like you did to us. It made perfect sense to me! Now whether he does it or not is a totally different story lol.

Jennifer said...

Well--I think you should say something. Not in a naggy kind of way--but in a genuine heartfelt concerned way. Just tell him you want him to be healthy and that you'll help him w/ good food choices, etc.

Goood luck!!

Tiaras and Tantrums said...

NNNAAAGGGGG - sorry but health is an issue - and don't buy the stuff for him anymore - or does he sneak it?

LEt him know he's supposed to wheel you around someday!!

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

Sweetie - don't nag. Just SHOP and COOK! He may gripe, he may whine and complain, but what are the chances he would actually go down to the store, buy the unhealthy food and cook it and eat it by himself?

Just tell him that if you do any cooking whatsoever, it will be of healthy food and nothing else because it's important to the health of both of you.

I hear you though. I am married to exactly the same guy. He has high BP and high cholestrol, but he doesn't want to take the meds because they cause him side effects, but he will NOT exercise - ever. Not one time in 25 years that I can remember. And he insists on eating all that junk food, no matter what anyone says.

However, in our case he does all the shopping and nearly all the cooking, so that's why we're BOTH fat and unhealthy.

Lea said...

I would nag. My grandfather died at the age of 47 from a heart attack. My father had his first triple bypass surgery at age 40, another one at 45 and a couple of angioplasties. You can read about what's going on now with him on my blog, but to keep it simple...

He is now 65 and in Phx at the Mayo Clinic waiting for a heart transplant.

Yeah, I would nag.

ElizabethSheryl said...

I say, have a heartfelt conversation. Let him know you won't be buying the bad-for-you stuff anymore, and let him do the rest on his own. Will he buy crappy fried food for lunch on work days? Maybe...but his breakfast and dinner can be healthy. The less you eat the bad stuff, the less you want it and the better you feel and he'll get it.

Lea said...

I was thinking more about your nagging or not nagging.. but first, I love what you've done with your blog, the colors are awesome!

Ok, nagging won't work. You mentioned you had weight loss surgery, so did I, in Sept. Thus, I am eating healthier too and because I am eating healthier, my kids have to eat healthier! I don't bring crap/junk food into the house and we no longer eat fast food... although once a month they each get to choose a fast food place they want and I allow it.

There's ways to nag without seeming like a nag. Also, I'd explain to him how you feel, about not wanting to lose him at a young age and remind him that there are children involved and he should think of them and what it would be like for them, should something happen to him...

Communication! I've found that those of us that blog a lot, find it hard to communicate verbally (at least it is for me!) Maybe a heartfelt letter written to him about how you feel and your concerns would work well too!

Good luck.

Karen said...

I'd sit him down and have a real heart to heart with him.

Nagging often doewsn't work ... after awhilke it becomes like water off a ducks back.

Also, if you're the one that does most of the cooking and food buying, then you've got quite a bit of control. Make him healthy dinners and lunches.

Pack him a healthy lunch and leave little notes of love and encouragement in them. He might moan and groan, but I bet he'll feel good about the notes and eat the lunch :-)

Marchelle said...

I would start by quit buying the junk food, so that all he has to eat in the house are healthy things. Then once he catches on and questions you about it "How come you didn't buy any Doritos?" you can just tell him that you want the whole family, him especially to live a healthy lifestyle.

And from someone who's husband eats healthier than she does (ahem), I would appreciate it if he DIDNT buy me my favorite chips, or some Reese Cups, or Coke, when he does the grocery shopping.

Good luck, however you decide to approach it!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Nag some. My Dad had his first heart attack at 44 and a heart transplant at 59. Diet DOES matter.

Hallie

Kat said...

Nope. Don't nag. Just don't bring the stuff in the house. That way if he really wants it he will have to go out and get it himself, and it will probably be eaten alot less often. And junk food once in a while isn't so bad. Having it in the house makes it way too available, ya know?

Kel said...

Health is a major concern so Nagging would be acceptable, however it doesn't do any good if the person on the receiving end doesn't want to change. Try not being so subtal and sit down with J, tell him your concerns, your fears and be honest. Ask him if he wants to change...if he says yes, then you BOTH can work together to make this a positive thing in your lifes.
~K

mommaof4wife2r said...

understand...i've got the same thing going on here. but, nagging only makes things worse and then resentment sets in. i find that being honest is the best way and then he has to decide on his own. i wouldn't want him to tell me i need to diet. :)

Ramblin' Red said...

I agree with those who said don't nag and just quit buying/cooking the junk.

Mama Wheaton said...

What if you both went for wellness check-ups together. You know the whole blood work up and stuff. Let a doctor tell him what he is at risk of if he doesn't start changing his lifestyle?

Honeybell said...

I completely agree with Adrian's Crazy Life. You don't have to change anything, except for what's in your fridge. It's still his choice to make, but you don't have to help him make poor choices.

Just FYI-we made the simple switch from hamburger to ground turkey, and it tastes so much better!

Ashley said...

I would just start buying and cooking healthy things for him and judge his response as to how to approach discussing it with him. You don't have to tell him he's on a diet... just fix him healthy stuff. Haha! :)

CC said...

His life could be on the line here. Nag. And then nag some more.

Ness said...

I'd go with the heart2heart talk, explain where you're coming from, offer to have him help you plan meals and find new healthier ways to fix the foods he loves. Congrats on your surgery...I'm too scared of complications to try it.

Kellan said...

I difinitely think you should stay on him and if that is called nagging - then so be it! Good luck!

Have a great weekend - Kellan

Melissa said...

I agree with the stealth nagging. Just don't bring the bad stuff into the house and make sure bfast and dinner are healthy. Yeah, that still leaves lunch, but 2 out of 3 ain't bad, right?

mrsbear said...

You only have the best intentions. Nagging has such negative connotations, but you need to stress to him the seriousness of the situation and the extent of your concern. And most definitely stop buying the junkie foods, I know that if they're not in the house, they're much harder to eat. Good luck.

blueviolet said...

It's funny you mentioned this because you and I are in the exact same place in terms of worrying about our spouses. Mine carries a lot of belly weight and I worry about his health all the time. His standard response to me is along the lines of "You worry about you and I'll worry about me." I don't know what to do either.

Marivic_Little GrumpyAngel said...

I think it will only be "nagging" if the tone is negative. Your tone on this post is very positive, and your reason is very clear. If you are in charge of grocery shopping I would make sure only healthy food is available around the house. It sounds like your husband knows what he needs to do, but he just seems to need constant reminder and reenforcement. Sometimes what we know and what we want don't compute and it's very difficult unless someone "supervises" and makes us do what is right. So I think he "needs" you to nag.

OHmommy said...

I would nag.

Lately, I have had so many people in my life die unexpectedly. Too young.

I would nag.

Tara R. said...

I've tried the nagging thing with my Hubs and all it does is aggravate him. I'm still going to do it, cause i would rather him be mad than dead. Nag him.

Jennifer said...

I would nag but, I'd also make it very clear to him my fears, feelings, and etc..... Then I'd clear the house of any and all junk. I'd start cooking lots of weight watcher recipes (which are very yummy) and start from there.

good luck

Bad Momma said...

I see arguments here for both sides. In our house, nagging doesn't work so well.

I would make detailed grocery lists and stick to them. Keep as much of the junk out of the house as possible. This also is not fair to you. You have worked so hard to get healthy. Why would he bring "temptation" into your house? Layout a guilt-trip; this works better than nagging!

You could clean out your cupboards and donate your "junk food" to a local pantry. Also having one or two activities you can do together such as walking or biking.

Swirl Girl said...

If the shoe were on the other foot, what would he do? I mean , if he was the healthy eater and you were the junk food junkie, would he nag?

I don't think you should nag in the whiny way, but have a good heart to heart...literally.

nanc said...

I don't think you can go wrong with nagging.

anymommy said...

It's not nagging if you tell him you adore him and can't bear the thought of living without him.

krissy said...

There is a big, huge difference in nagging and gently reminding him of his choices. First. Come clean and explain your fears. Explain that you cannot live without him and the guilt you would feel if something happened to him and you didn't try to help.

And if that doesn't work. Then fool him. Cook with all non-fat things. Don't buy the food and if he asks where his crap food is blame it on the kids and say that they ate it. Don't go out for dinner and pack his lunch for work. He'll get it.

And if that doesn't work. Then take his clothes, shrink them or buy him smaller sizes and he will think that he is getting fatter. I could give you a butt load of more coneiving ways to fool him but I'm betting that if you gently explain why this is bothersome to you, he will comply. And also, suggest more exercises. Join a gym together. It could be fun.

Good luck.

On The Verge said...

You have to nag for his own good. I am in the same boat. My husband has put on so much weight over the last few years and he loves to eat way too much! I nag because I love him and want him to be around for me and the girls.

The Girl Next Door said...

Is he a smart man? (OF course, he married you). Don't nag. He knows what he sees in the mirror. But I would make it a little harder for him to be "bad" at home - skip the bad stuff, cook well, encourage him. But honestly? I tried ALL that stuff and more with my Ex. His Dad, who suffered 2 heart attacks, 2 open heart surgeries and 1 angioplasty told him "get right with your diet boy" and STILL he is 45, 50 pounds overweight and eats like crap. And slowly dying. I tried running a marathon to encourage him to exercise, but the more I ran, the more he ate. Go figure. So In the end, it's a personal choice. I wish you well - sounds like you have a true "keeper."

Julie said...

When you find something that works, let me know.....

Krazy Armstrong K's! said...

ouch, I dunno what to say... hopefully he realizes he needs to chance but we all know nagging doesnt work

Rhonda said...

Personally, it's reverse psychology for me. I wanted a hot chocolate last night and my hubby asked if I can have that. Not over condescending or anything, but still... So I responded with "I can HAVE whatever I want!" lol I know he means well, but it still irritates me and makes me feel like he doesn't love me as I am.

As for helping him the other way, definitely stop buying the crap. There are great lower calorie/fat options. There are the potato puffs instead of chips, and 100 calorie chocolate covered granola bars instead of chocolate bars. They are actually quite tasty!

Good luck!

Jen - Queen of Poo said...

Has nagging ever worked on you?

In my experience, nagging just makes the nagger frustrated.

Keep setting a positive example. If you are the food buyer, buy good stuff. It's really all you can do.