6.27.2010

My Not-So-Nice Side Came Out, Growling and Roaring.

I'm going to try to keep this post less-than-novel-length, but there's some history that has to be explained in order for you to understand the story. I'm sorry if it doesn't make total sense, but there's just so much background and I can't cover it all.
First of all, if you want to read some of Andrew's background, you can go here, here, here, or here. (when I first started this blog, I used nicknames, and Andrew's was "Spiderman".)
But for a quick summary, Andrew is John's son. His biological "mother", Christina, left when Andrew was 6 months old. From that time on, she was in and out of Andrew's life, never a stable presence and would go long periods of time with no contact. When I met John, Andrew was 4 years old.
A few years ago, Christina briefly seemed to get her life together and married a pretty good guy I'll call G. The reason I knew he was a pretty good guy is because I knew him and his family when we were kids. It was only coincidence that G met Christina; trust me, I wouldn't set her up with my worst enemy.
So, Christina talked John into letting Andrew come stay with her. She said that she and G were doing great and could give him a great life, and to please give her a chance to be a mother to him for the first time. So John decided to give it a try, and at first things seemed to be going well. But in time, things started sliding downhill and ended in a crash and burn. Andrew came back to live with us, and we found out that it had been horrible living with her. She split with G and he told us about things that went on there. Andrew was emotionally abused on a daily basis. He is now in counseling for this.
He came back to live with us almost two years ago. Since then Christina has seen him once, about 2 months after he came back to us, for about 10 minutes. She hasn't even called in over a year. Christmas, Andrew's 10th birthday, etc. passed by with no attempts at contact. We hoped that maybe she had moved far away and we were finally done with her.
So, now we're caught up to the present time.
Two of G's sisters, V and J, were my Facebook Friends. Again, we have all known each other for many years so I saw it as an old friendship rather than a connection to Christina. And for about a year or more that's all it was. Then a couple of weeks ago, after I mentioned that I was taking the kids to see Toy Story 3 when it came out, I got a message from G's sister V. She has a son who Andrew was very close with while he lived with Christina. V wanted to know if they could meet us at Toy Story 3 so that the boys could see each other and they could all see Andrew, because they missed him a lot. She also assured me that if we didn't feel that it was good idea, that was fine, they "love and respect Andrew SO much" and would never do anything to hurt him. She stressed that it would only be her and her two kids.
John and I discussed it and decided that right now, we want that whole chapter of Andrew's life involving Christina to remain closed. He's come a long way and we'd hate for him to regress. So I very kindly wrote V back explaining this to her. Specifically, I told her that we hadn't heard from Christina in a year and wanted to keep it that way. She replied that she totally understood, but made a comment about also respecting her brother for loving Christina and giving her another chance. Now, we had thought Christina and G were still separated or even divorced by now, but apparently not.
So, I thought that was the end of it. Then last week, my Mother In Law's phone rang. Lo and behold, after all this time, it's Christina popping out of the woodwork. MIL wasn't home but Christina left a message saying she just wanted to know how Andrew is doing because she misses him SOOOO much.
So, I thought, there's no way this is a coincidence. V must have had something to do with this. But at the same time, I really respected this family and didn't want to believe that V would do something like that.
Until I got a Facebook message. From CHRISTINA. Who barely even knows how to operate a computer. But she had just made a new Facebook account and guess who was her ONE AND ONLY FB Friend?
V, of course.
And her message said that she misses Andrew so much, and "mother to mother", could I please be kind enough to send her pictures of HER SON?
I was LIVID. I couldn't believe that V would do that, not to me but to ANDREW!
And Christina's mistake was to refer to Andrew as "HER SON", when speaking to the woman who has stepped up and became a mother to "HER SON"!
So I sat down and composed some Facebook messages. I am surprised sparks weren't flying from my fingertips, I was SO freaking mad.
I told Christina first of all that biology does not make a mother. I told her that Andrew calls me Mama and wants nothing to do with her. I told her that if she does truly have any love for him, then leave him alone to be with a stable family.
Then I messaged V. I told her I was shocked that she would do this to Andrew. I explained that he is in therapy because of all the abuse he endured at Christina's hands and how dare she bring her back into his life? I said, your family may be fooled by her, but we've been through her crap enough times to know that she will lie, use you, and then stab you in the back. It's the only thing Christina knows how to do. I also told her that her entire family would now be blocked from my Facebook (cutting off their only contact to anyone connected with Andrew).
Then, while looking at my Facebook pictures, I found a photo that I decided I was, in fact, willing to share with Christina.
Here it is:
(click to make it bigger - it's the Mother's Day card Andrew made this year for ME.)

Cold hearted? Why yes, yes it is. But you don't mess with MY kids.

21 comments:

blueviolet said...

I'm glad you have those protective instincts over him. Clearly he needs protection. Good for you. You've been a better mother than she could ever be!

Manic Mother said...

Your such a good Mama bear! I would have tore her a new ass too!

Kat said...

I can see why you were so upset. I would have been livid.
It is kinda crazy that people need to get a fishing license but any idiot can have a child.
I know I've said this before but THANK GOD for you. Andrew is so lucky to have you, and you to have him.

Kirby3131 said...

I can't even begin to imagine.

You have been a blessing in this boys life :)

Kristin - The Goat

Lisa G said...

Amazing that humans can donate a uterus or sperm and think they are a parent!! Doesn't happen that way!
Protect that sweet Angel -that's what a parent does- nurtrue his heart - that's a Momma's job...

Good JOB Momma!!

Mama Wheaton said...

Good for you! I would have done the same thing. It should be about what's best for Andrew and you have that under control.

Tara R. said...

I would have been livid... I am angry for you even now! I hope you all are going to a different showing of that movie to avoid any possibility of them showing up too.

It's not cold hearted, what C did was cold hearted. You are just protecting YOUR son.

Melani said...

I am so behind...but I don't blame you for doing that. FB has brought me nothing but problems, so I cancelled mine. You are his Mom and that is all that matters.

MamaB said...

Good for you!! The last thing Andrew needs is drama. He is finally in a loving, stable household, why on earth would V mess with that!! Again, good for you!

♥ Kathy said...

I would have been really upset too. If she hadn't abused him then I could see letting her be a part of his life but since all she's done is brought him pain she lost that right. I would have cut off V and the rest of their family too. That was way crossing a line.

Lindsay-ann said...

It must be so hard for you and for Andrew too. You are protecting him and doing the best for him. Well done.
Lindsay
x

Myya said...

Good for you!!! Damn right you are his MOM & YOU get to choose what is best for him. I had a Dad whom came into our lives & married our mom when my sisters & I were 9 mos, 3 & 6. He is our Dad & our one & only! when Mr. Biological came around when I was in the 6th grade he stepped in like he was our dad. I wasn;t having it! At 12 years old I made the decision very quickly to not have anything to do with him. It took my sisters a little longer but soon enough we again had no contact. All for the better! My dad is wonderful & I am so thankful to have had him in my life raising me as his own. Andrew is better off having his real mom, not his biological one!!!

Unknown Mami said...

I'm sorry that Andrew had to go through such a difficult situation. I'm sorry that this will be an issue for him for a long time. I'm happy that he has you. He needs stability, that's what you are trying to provide.

Gina F said...

You go girl! I would of did the same thing. Anyone can be a mom but it takes a woman to be a mother. My husband raise my two boys since they were 2 & 3 years old. My son turned 18 in October and now carries my husbands last name. My other son is getting ready to change his last name too in October because he will be 18. They don't want to carry thier biological father's name. Their biological father gave them up and still had to pay me child support. WHATEVER! You are Andrew's mother any every way possible. God Bless You Dear! :o)

Gina
motherof1princessand2princes.blogspot.com

Erin said...

You go Mama! Good for you, I said the same thing, you can mess with me all you want....but you mess with my kids and you. will. suffer!!!

Draea Lael (Rose) said...

Good for you! I am in a similar situation. My kids' fathers both decided that they would really rather not step up and be a parent. I met my soulmate and married him. We have been together for 4 years and my kids already consider him their dad. They made similar cards and say random things like "you are the best dad ever". My kids are 14, 13, 10 and 6 and all understand EXACTLY what the previous men in their lives amount to, sperm donors. They don't ask about them, want nothing to do with them, and that is totally without Sir Geek and I talking smack about either of them. I spent the better part of 10 years trying to cover for my ex husband, to keep my kids from knowing just how much of a childish ass he was. When my daughter (the oldest) was 9 she asked me "Mom, why haven't you divorced Dad yet, he's not good for you or us." Kinda floored me...and made me think. Kids are smart, they know EXACTLY what they need and want in a parent and what is not good. Thank goodness that you are there for your boy.

Heather said...

GOOD FOR YOU! you handled that beautifully, IMO. andrew is lucky to have you as his MOM.

cat said...

I would have done exactly what you did. You are protecting your child .

Just Breathe said...

He loves you, you are his mother.
I am so sorry for what are going through and what she has put him through. I will say a prayer.

Twisted Fencepost said...

I despise people who play a part in bringing a child into the world and then want to be a parent when it's convenient for them!!!
DON'T GET ME STARTED!!!
Girl I feel for ya!

Shawna said...

I haven't read any blog posts lately and really haven't been spending much time on the computer. Otherwise, I certainly would have commented on this earlier!

I would have been growling too. You don't mess with a (real) momma. When you hurt her child, the fangs will come out. Animal or human. The lines blur when you're talking about the natural instinct to protect your baby.