The DysFUNctional Part of the Family

I don't usually post twice in one day, but I am so stressed and I have to get this out.
My mom is mad at me. She tends to stay mad at me about half of the time, maybe even 3/4. It's usually because I don't call often enough, and I don't always answer the phone when she calls, usually because I'M SLEEPING.
Quick recap for my newer readers: I have four kids. Three live here full time, my oldest son lives with his dad and spends 4 days here every other week, at a minimum. Two of these kids are teenagers, which has taught me why many animals eat their young. Another one has ADHD, just been quite literally abandoned by his natural "mother", and can be a handful - who wouldn't be in that situation? Oh, and that job thing! I work at least 40 hours per week. My husband does as well. We have responsibilities. We have lives.
We are busy.
But my mother doesn't get that, and when she calls and I do answer, I'm trapped on the phone for eternities while she asks me about every detail of my life.
So, when I texted her this weekend and she ignored me, I figured she was mad because I hadn't called recently. Then she called me today and was very short with me, and between that and her all-too-familiar tone, I knew she was mad.
I asked my niece if she'd talked to her and knew why she was mad, and she sort of vaguely hinted that it may be due to our plans for Christmas.
Which we don't actually have any yet.
But, we spent all of Thanksgiving with my family. We literally didn't see J's family at all. So obviously, we'll be spending some time with them for Christmas. And, call us crazy, selfish, or whatever, but since the kids are with their Dad this year for Christmas, we'd like to spend some time A.L.O.N.E. Just the two of us. We would still spend time with my parents at some point around the holiday...just not Christmas Day.
But the thing is, every single year, it's drama. First of all, every other Thanksgiving, the kids are with their Dad. You'd think by now, five years after my ex and I split, my parents would've accepted that. But no, every other year, I hear crap about it because my family wants them there. Too bad! This is how divorce works. Every year I hear "Can't they just come for a little while one day? Can't you do this, that, whatever?" And every year the answer is "NO. It's their Dad's year. Period." And still, they complain.
Then, even though we always go to my parents' house for Christmas Eve, as is our tradition, and exchange gifts, they expect us to come back Christmas Day for dinner. I have in-laws, people! We have to split our time. And I would like to do my OWN family thing, and have our own family traditions. Not just going to my parents' or his parents' or whoever's house every single year!
And I won't even get into what generally happens when we do spend time with my parents; the yelling at the kids, the offensive things my dad says......
Please don't misunderstand me, I love my parents. I know there are some of you out there who have lost your parents and would love to be able to call them, or have just one more holiday to spend with them. I truly get that. But there is only one of me, I'm being pulled apart and it happens every single year. I am ready to start the tradition of not going over there at all! I don't understand why it has to be such an issue every year. I'm tired of walking on eggshells wondering if my mother is mad at me this week. I don't get why she expects so much of me, knowing what all I have on my plate!
If you've read this far, thanks for reading my whining. And please send me a ticket to China for this Christmas!