11.29.2010

Music to my Ears

One day recently, I was talking to my teen daughter, Shelbie, and one of her friends. I brought up something that Shelbie had told me about, and her friend said, "Shelbie!! You told your Mom about that?!" And Shelbie replied, "Of course! I tell my mom everything."

I can't tell you how good that made me feel. Not because I believe for a moment that she literally tells me EVERYthing. I'm sure she has her little secrets, and she should. She's a teenager.

But when I was her age...I told my mother NOTHING. We just didn't have that kind of relationship.

I don't believe in being a 'friend' to my child. I have friends, she has friends. She doesn't need me to be another friend, my role is to be her mother. In fact, I think trying to be your kids' friend is a dangerous road to travel...but that's another post for another time.

However, ever since I was a teenager, I hoped that I could have a different kind of relationship with my kids. My mother knew nothing of my personal life. She knew who my friends were, and that was about it. She never knew who I had a crush on. She never knew my dreams, my worries, my random thoughts. We just didn't talk like that. And I could never go to her with my problems or concerns. We just didn't have that kind of relationship.


But with my kids, I do. My teenage son and I are also very close, but it's a little different with him, because he's a boy, and he doesn't talk and open up as much as his sister does. But still, we have a much closer relationship than I did with my parents, and he's told me many things that I would never have told my parents, at that age....or any age.

But Shelbie....she tells me so much. I am very involved in her life. In fact, sometimes she talks to me until my eyes cross - about her day; her friends, her crushes, her friends' crushes; clothes, music, makeup, hair; her classes, and he said, and then she said, and I was like, OMG!.....yeah. Sometimes it's exhausting!


But I wouldn't have it any other way. Because my hope is that if she tells me the little things, then she'll also know she can tell me the big things. She doesn't have to carry huge weights around on her own shoulders, like I did. She can come to me, and we can figure things out together.


So far, I think we're doing well in that regard. So even when she's chattering away at 50 words per second and my head is about to explode....it's music to my ears.



{ Shelbie, Me, and our Best Friends}

13 comments:

Myya said...

That is awesome. I so hope that i can have that kind of relationship with my girls as well. I NEVER talked to my mom about anything. My hope is that even if my girls can't come to me they can go to one of my sisters. I am giving free reign for my sisters to withhold things from me (as long as my girls are not in danger or anything) The point is to have a responsible ADULT for them to go to. Lord knows we don't want them going to another teen & OMG, like this is what happened... can you imagine the advice they give eachother. HA! I guess I do have a good 10 years or so before I really have to worry too much about all of this.

C said...

i ditto everything you said. i couldnt talk to or even hug my mom, so i know what you mean. and i did make a difference with my kids too and it feels great!

Amy said...

You are so right about how important it is for them to be able to talk to you! Sometimes my boys share too much and there are times that I wish they'd stop talking my ears off but then I remember how much I never talk to my parents about and I'm glad that they don't feel the same need to hide things from me.

April said...

What a SWEET post! My girls and I are the same way...we can talk about anything and everything! Of course, I was blessed to have a mom that I was very close to. In fact, people often said that we were more like sisters than mother and daughter. Having a close relationship with my daughters is simply the BEST!

blueviolet said...

I have the exact same relationship with my daughter. She tells me everything. I never had that relationship with my mom, so I'm so grateful that she and I are so tight.

Together We Save said...

Wonderful post!! I am blessed my girls talk to me too. (Usually)

Kat said...

That is so, so awesome. It actually makes me a little teary eyed. I hope my kiddos and I have that kind of relationship too. :)

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

Ditto, Ditto Ditto and.. Ditto.

I have told my girls many times I will be their friends when they move out and get their own lives. Until then, I'm Mom. But again, just like you, my mom and I didn't talk about "those" things... boys... friends... fears... body parts. And I am determined that will NOT be me and my girls. EVER!!

Keep up the good work Mama!!!

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S Farrell said...

Great post! My guys are very little but there will come a day that I hope they will feel like they can tell me anything. Bravo to you!

Erin said...

My mom made me feel like I could go and talk to her about everything, but in reality I couldn't, and I hope to change that with my boys. Even if they are boys, I want them to talk to me about anything and everything and I will do my best to be open, honest, non judegmental and most of all, love them no matter what!

♥ Kathy said...

I still don't feel like I can talk to my mom but my kids are a different story. There have been times that my jaw was on the ground because I couldn't believe they were telling me that! LOL :)

Debby@Just Breathe said...

My children were the same way. We are very close. Son was a little more quiet then our daughter but our relationships are awesome. My husband would get mad that they would hang at home often or hang with their friends at our house. He said he never wanted to be home.
I thought how awesome it was that they liked being home with their parents. It is still the best, they are our couple friends now!