Weekend Wrap-Up/ Happy List!

Holy crap, I haven't done one of these in forty forevers!
But we had a very nice weekend all in all, and I felt like sharing.  And I'm combining it with a Happy List, because I had a whole lotta happy this weekend!

Saturday we had some stuff to do in the morning, and then that afternoon we had a girls' day at the mall.  It was me, Shelbie, Elayna, my niece Heather, and her baby Hayleigh.  

We took Elayna to Build-a-Bear, where she made a graduation alligator, (one of) her graduation presents from me.  She graduates from 5th Grade on June 5th. Her school mascot is an alligator.  She was a happy camper!

Shelbie clowned around!
She has a sparkling personality and makes everyone HAPPY.  =)

On Sunday, we went to the Lake near my parents' house.  The water level is incredibly low, but hopefully the recent Tropical Storm will help that somewhat.
He still found lots of minnows to much on!  Happy bird!

On Sunday, we spent more time with these girls.  That ALWAYS makes me HAPPY.  The girls finally got a lot of Hayleigh snuggle time this weekend, which makes them extremely HAPPY!  We had a family gathering at my parents' house.  My brother and his family were there, along with my sister, and of course me and all of my children.   We had a nice time.

I was off on Monday (happy!!), but it stormed off and on all day, cancelling our tentative plans for going to the beach, springs, or festivals.  So instead, the day was spent in bed.  There were movies, naps, and cuddles.  Happy, happy times.  =)

Pretty good weekend!
Hope you had a good one as well.



Baby, I'm In....

  • Speaking of clueless: if you have any HTML knowledge, could you please help a sistah out?  My blog is apparently crashing on Chrome & Firefox.  This has been happening off and on for a while, and I've contacted my blog designer a few times.  Unfortunately, she has not responded (yep, I'm calling you out too, cause that's not cool!).  So, I'm begging for help here!  Today is seems to be working fine though, oddly enough.....
  • I didn't ask off for Memorial Day, but I got it off anyway!  I have a three day weekend..YAY!  I hear the beach calling my name and I really hope I can answer its call....

  • On my days off, when I have a chance, I hang out with Hayleigh.  She smiles all the time now and has even started laughing.  Yesterday, she took one look at me and burst out laughing. I choose to believe that she appreciates my sense of humor, and not that I'm just funny looking.....

  • Wishing you a wonderful weekend...ours will be full of friends, family, birthday parties, family gatherings, and who knows what else we'll get into??  Good times!
Mommy's Idea

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Sharing a song to enjoy...TGIF!!


A-Z of Me

I saw this on another blog recently and thought it looked like fun.  So here ya go, some useless information about yours truly, Dysfunctional Mom!

A.  Age: I just turned 39 on May 11th.

B. Bed size:

C. Chore you dislike:
Dishes.  I firmly believe if I cook, someone else should do the dishes.  Nobody else seems to share this belief.

D. Dogs:
I love dogs.  I currently do not own any.  This makes me very sad.

E. Essential start to your day:
 Diet Dr Pepper.  I'm trying to cut down, but I HAVE to start my day with one or three

F. Favorite color:
Purple purple purple!!

G. Gold or silver:
silver, or white gold.

H. Height:
5'2".  And I love being short!

I. Instruments you play(ed):
clarinet....but I wanted to play the flute.

J. Job title:
Home Health Caregiver

K. Kids:
no thank you, I have three of my own.

L. Live:
In & around Gainesville, Florida.

M. Mom’s name:

N. Nicknames:
My grandma used to call me Cinderella.  I get "Cindy Lou Who" a lot.

And Princess.  =)

O. Overnight hospital stays:
Too many...when I was 9 I had a ruptured appendix, when I was 11 I ran into a glass door & cut up my leg, when I was 13 I had pneumonia.  Fast forward to having three children, and while pregnant with the middle child I was hospitalized for pneumonia again.  In 2008 I had gastric bypass surgery.  I think that's it??

P. Pet peeves:
bad grammar/punctuation.

Q. Quote from a movie:
"Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far far away from here."  (do you know what movie this is from?)

R. Righty or lefty:

S. Siblings:
one sister who is 7 years older, one brother who is 10 years older.

T. Time you wake up:
My schedule varies so this varies a lot.  Basically, as late as possible.

U. Underwear:
Yes.  All different types, depending on my mood.

V. Vegetables you don't like:
broccoli & okra.

W. What makes you run late
: I am one of those people who is always late.  So I guess I make me run late.

X. X-rays you’ve had:
I had one after my recent car accident.  I know I've had others, but I'm drawing a blank.  Besides dental x-rays, of course.

Y. Yummy food you make:
chicken & dumplings are probably the number one favorite.  Tater salad, lasagna....I'm hungry.

Z. Zoo animal favorites
: galapagos island turtles.


A First of Many Firsts

When my youngest child came to me asking about shaving her legs, a few thoughts ran through my head.
First of all: Wasn't she just born, like, last week? And now she's ELEVEN years old? How does this happen?
And then: OMG she's going to cut herself to pieces.
The thing is, she does need to shave. Her legs are quite hairy (sorry, kid), and we live in Florida. Shorts are worn year-round.
I just wasn't sure I was ready for yet another "first".
She's my last child. So all of her "firsts" are also "lasts"...her first Christmas was the last first Christmas I'd ever experience with a child. Same for her first steps, first words, first smile...
Her first day of Kindergarten nearly brought me to my knees!
And then there are those precious firsts...like last year when she and I sat on a dock and she saw her first shooting star. Priceless!
So here we are again, with yet another first. Her first time shaving her legs.
At first we tried the non-razor approach. We used a foam hair remover. It worked....somewhat. It left her stubbly and not smooth, and it was kind of a hassle, what with having to time how long the product was on her skin. "MOM!! Has it been five minutes yet?!?!"
So I finally let her move on to *gasp* razors.
And it really wasn't as bad as I thought.
I had visions of my own wounds from years past. I have had some lovely shaving-related injuries, which I won't elaborate on...you can thank me later. But times have changed, and the products available now are so much better.
I love that there are products specifically geared to women now. They smell fantastic and are made for the contours of our legs instead of men's faces.
The products we prefer are Venus Embrace & Satin Care Passionista Fruit shave gel. The Satin Care has a sparkling, fruity scent and is without a doubt the key to silky legs. It feels great!
And I love the Venus Embrace for Elayna. It has 5 blades for a close, comfortable shave. It also has a Ribbon of Moisture, for a smooth glide. This is so important...remember my flashbacks of shaving injuries past?? It also features a soft grip handle for great control, which also helps prevent those nicks and cuts.

So all in all, this was a good "first". She feels a little more grown-up and likes having silky smooth legs. I feel reassured that she's not going to cut herself up while getting those silky smooth legs. I'm glad these products are available now to help us get through one of many firsts in life! If you have a first-time shaver in your home, you should check out some of these great tips from Venus Embrace!

I know she's starting to pay more attention to her appearance and I want to make sure she's getting the right information from me. What are some of the ways you tackle conversations like shaving (or other "firsts") with your daughter?

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Late Fraggin'

~ My most recent Facebook status: 
"If you haven't heard much from me lately, it's because I'm tired of life kicking the crap out of me so I'm crawling into my shell and closing it up and ignoring the world. So it's not you, it's me. (Unless you're a jerk, in which case it's probably you.)"

~ I finally got The Bloggess's book!  I looked at 2 different Walmarts and THEY DID NOT HAVE IT, only further fueling my hatred for Walmart.  I went to a local independent bookseller, my favorite, and they disappointed me by also not having it.  FAIL.  I finally found it at my beloved Target, and for such a great price that I also got Justin Halpern's new book, "I Suck at Girls".  He's the guy who wrote "Sh*t My Dad Says".
Anyway, I'm reading "Let's Pretend This Never Happened" and LMAO.  I just love her.

~ I have three days off in a row next week.  I wish I could go on a vacation!  Anyone want to come kidnap me?

~ I went to Elayna's school on Friday to have lunch with her.  It was Career Fest, and she was a tour guide for the adults who were there to talk about their careers.  She escorted them to lunch & various places.  She got to walk around with a clipboard and tell adults what to do.  She thought she was the SHIZNIT.  It was adorable.

~ There will be a pretty cool giveaway appearing here in the very near future.  

Okay, I'm defragged, better late than never!  Have a great weekend.

Mommy's Idea


These are my confessions...


I confess....
that I have always wanted to confess with Mamarazzi, and this week seemed like the perfect week to do it.

I confess..... 
that today is my BIRTHDAY!!  I am 39 and darned proud of it.

old enough to know better... too young to give a rat's ass

I confess....
that I'm going to PARTY tonight.  Oh yes I am!

I confess....
that I still love my birthday like I did when I was a little kid.

I confess....
that when I was very young, I was APPALLED one year to see that the mail was still delivered on
MY BIRTHDAY!!!  It's a HOLIDAY, people, WTF??  

I confess...

that never has a birthday went by that my MOTHER didn't remind me of that!  (She just texted me "Hope u have a very happy birthday! Think the mail will come today?" I replied "It better not!!")

I confess.....
that I think it's because I LOVE ATTENTION and I get lots of attention on my birthday!  Yeah, I said it.  I'm a bit of an attention whore.  What then!
You can go ahead and get me one of these for my birthday because TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY DID I MENTION THAT????

I confess....
that I loved waking up to dozens of Facebook posts saying Happy Birthday!

I confess....
that I would like every day to be my birthday.

I confess.... 
that I am already planning my 40th Birthday party.  And it is going to be EPIC.

I confess....
that last month nearly took me down, but I'm still standing! (yeah, yeah, yeah!)

I confess.... 
that when I look at pictures of Tim Tebow, I want to do things to him that go against his admirable Christian values.  STRONGLY.AGAINST.  And over and under and around and.....

I confess....
that I absolutely can't wait for this weekend!  On Sunday we'll be with my family celebrating baby Hayleigh's Dedication, Mother's Day, and MY BIRTHDAY (did I mention that today is MY BIRTHDAY?????)!!!!

Hope y'all have a wonderful weekend, and Happy Mother's Day to the Mommies!!  


Sexy Chick

I had an absolute blast today.  Hayleigh, my niece's 3 month old baby (can you believe she is THREE MONTHS OLD already?!?!), wasn't feeling well.  Heather had to work today, and her husband DJ, the new daddy, didn't want to take Hayleigh to the pediatrician by himself.  I had the day off, so my mother and I went with DJ to the doctor's appointment.

Now, my mother is very....proper, I guess you could say.  She is 69 years old and has probably never said the word 'fart' in her life.  There are certain things that, she believes, one should not discuss.  Most of us know this and are pretty good about what watching we say in front of her.

(My Mom & I talking.  Definitely NOT about farting, pooping, or sex.)

DJ, however, loves nothing more than to say things to my Mother just to get a reaction. 
 It infuriates my mom.

It makes me HYSTERICAL.  I literally laughed until I cried my makeup off today.

But the best part of all was this: my mother got a new-to-her cell phone today.  It was used but it's nicer than the one she has.  DJ was setting it up for her and discovered that the previous user had downloaded several ringtones.

Heh. Heh. Heh.  He started playing them and asking my Mom which one she wanted assigned as her ringtone.

I wish I could remember all of the songs that were played.  They were mostly hip-hop.  One of the standouts was "Riding Solo".  I kept picturing my 69 year old gray-haired mom pushing her shopping cart around Walmart and her phone suddenly playing "I'm ridin solo, I'm ridin solo"...can you imagine the reaction of the other shoppers?

But when we heard this song, we knew it was the one.  After I caught my breath again after laughing so hard I almost vomited, DJ and I decided (to my mother's utter mortification) that this was the song that my Mom absolutely HAD to have as her ringtone*.


*No, we did NOT actually assign that ringtone, as much as we wanted to.  My mom kept saying "You better not!  I won't use that phone if you do that!"  But oh, how I wish we could have.


Brilliant or Insane? I'll be the judge of that.

Quite some time ago, I stumbled across this photo on the interwebz.  It's a sign for a service dog to wear.

And I want one.  
As soon as I saw it, I thought, how HILARIOUS would it be for a human to go around wearing one of those?  I think I even blogged about it, but I'm way too lazy to go look.  And I still think about it quite often.  Because, clearly, I'm slightly unbalanced.
So last night, while in that state between being awake and being asleep, I started thinking about it again.  And I stumbled upon the most BRILLIANT idea.  The National Association of Service Dogs should make T-shirts with this printed on them, and sell them as a fundraiser!  It's a great cause and it's damned funny.  HELLOOO???  Winning!  

So, I'm going to email them.  I won't even charge them for my brilliant idea; all I want it a free T-shirt.  Fair enough, right?

They'll either agree that I'm brilliant or think I'm insane and block me from ever contacting them again.
I'll keep you posted!